Yesterday we learned that our perception comes from past judgments that are reapplied as meaning. As Nisargadatta told the questioner in I Am That, Conversation #9:

The world you can perceive is a very small world indeed. And it is entirely private.

That’s because the world we each perceive is based on the filter of our individual mind.

Today’s reading says:

Now let’s talk about forgiveness. … Of themselves, the thoughts [in your mind] have no meaning. But based on past learning, learned through judgment, the thoughts seem to have meaning. And so you feel offended or hurt based on what you think you know.

Can you see how your brother has done nothing? Can you see how all meaning that has seemed to result in hurt has come from the filter of your mind?

Let’s look at an example:

Imagine that I am a modern day “super mom.” I am a professional woman with a son. After working all day, I come home and cook dinner, help my son with homework, bathe him and read him a bedtime story. He’s in bed by 8pm. That’s when I pull out my laptop computer and catch up on email. I typically work until my bedtime at 11pm.

On weekends, I buy groceries, clean house, do laundry and take my son to soccer games and piano lessons.

One day, a friend asks me to go to dinner and a movie with her on a Wednesday night. I explain that I can’t, and I tell her everything I have to do each night. She says, “Who are you trying to impress?” I notice a flash of anger, and I snap back, “No one! It just is as it is!”

Fortunately, I notice my upset. That night, after my son is in bed, I skip email, and I journal about my upset with my friend.

Why did I get angry at Jill? Because she implied that my whole life is a farce set up to impress someone.

Did she really say that or is that how I interpreted it? I don’t know for sure why she said what she said. She might have felt rejected and was acting out. My interpretation of her comment is my interpretation of her comment.

Why does the idea that my life ‘is a farce set up to impress someone’ upset me? Because I think there’s a truth there. I think I am trying to impress someone.

Who are you trying to impress? Everyone? No, not really everyone. I am trying to impress everyone, but the real reason I want to impress them is to impress me. If I believe they are impressed, then I can feel good about myself.

So, why is your life so busy? Because I am trying to deny my own belief that I am unworthy by hiding that belief under all of the great things I do.

When this journaling is complete, I see that Jill didn’t hurt me. I was hurt, because of ideas in my mind.

As NTI says:

And then, forgiveness is taking this realization one step further by acknowledging you do not want to be hurt anymore. You acknowledge that the meaning that has hurt you is within the mind. You are the owner or believer in that meaning, and so you are also the one that can let go of any meaning you have applied.

Here is a story that Jesus told about a rich man and a beggar named Lazarus:

“There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.

“The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’

“But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’

“He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’

“Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’

“‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’

“He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’”

Did you notice any judgments in your mind as you read this story? Do you know what the root cause of those judgments are?

For example, imagine that you judged Jesus for telling a confusing story. Here’s what that root cause inquiry might look like:

Why am I upset? I am upset at Jesus for telling a story that seems to imply there is a heaven and a hell, eternal reward and eternal punishment.

Why does that upset me? Because I don’t believe in heaven and hell.

Why does it bother me that Jesus would tell a story about something I don’t believe in? I want all of Jesus’ teachings to agree with the way I think about truth.

Why? Because I am afraid that if Jesus’ teachings do not agree with what I think, my beliefs about the truth are not true.

So why am I upset? Because I am afraid the truth is not true, and this story triggered that fear.

You see, the way we perceive, all of the judgments we make and each of our upsets are about thoughts in our mind—typically about repressed thoughts in our mind.

Two days ago I recommended an audio in which I taught from I Am That: Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj. In that audio, I taught from conversation #9, which is titled “Responses from Memory.” In that conversation, Nisargadatta says:

Something entirely unfamiliar can be sensed, but cannot be perceived. Perception involves memory. … Perception, imagination, expectation, anticipation, illusion—all are based on memory. There are hardly any border lines between them. They just merge into each other. All are responses of memory.

In this quote, Nisargadatta is making a difference between what we sense (see, hear, feel, smell or taste) and perception. In this case, perception is “a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression.” Nisargadatta’s quote says the way of perceiving is memory. In other words, we view new circumstances through our prior judgments (memory).

That is what today’s reading teaches too. As the reading says:

All perception is thought within the mind of the thinker. The thought has no meaning of itself, but it is given meaning by the thinker. If the thought seems to have effects, it is the thinker that gives that thought any effects it seems to have.

What do I do if this story triggered my fear that the truth is not true?

Realize that idea is in my mind, and if that idea wasn’t in my mind, the story could not have affected me the way it did. Be grateful this false idea has risen out of the subconscious so that it can be healed, and give willingness for it to be healed. I need to avoid blaming others for my upset. I don’t want to blame Luke (the one who wrote down this story), Biblical translators, the Catholic Church or anyone else. If I try to rationalize my fear away by projecting blame onto someone else, I bypass my opportunity for healing, and the idea goes back into the subconscious, still a part of my psyche.

After doing enough forgiveness work to return to a relative state of peace, it is helpful to practice awareness-watching-awareness (AWA) meditation. In AWA, I have a direct experience of truth without mental interpretation. Following forgiveness work (like rest-accept-trust and journaling) with AWA is very effective, because nothing reminds one of truth like a direct taste of truth itself.

If the mind were healed, how would it see this story?

A healed mind sees this story as meaningless.

In I Am That, Conversation #9, Nisargadatta is talking to a seeker who wants to know what the truth is about the world. Nisargadatta says:

Take it to be a dream and be done with it. … My world is just like yours. I see, I hear, I feel, I think, I speak and act in a world I perceive, just like you. But with you it is all; with me it is almost nothing.

Why don’t we let the experiences of our day come and go as if they were almost nothing? Because of the judgments we believe, hold onto and reapply to new circumstances. In this way, we relive an imaginary past over and over again.

Note: If you did not listen to the I Am That teaching two days ago, but you would like to listen to it, you can listen at this link.

Today, let’s look at the difference between discernment and judgment.

Discernment

Discernment is a type of judgment. We have already said that judgment is comparing, and then favoring or rejecting. That’s what discernment does too. The difference between discernment and judgment is the purpose. The purpose of discernment is to reject ego (with willingness instead of resistance) and favor truth (or ideas that point toward truth).

Today’s reading says that you will often experience confusion about what’s right to do and what’s wrong to do. When ‘right’ means good and ‘wrong’ means bad, right and wrong are judgments, not discernment.

In order to simplify the decision making process for us, today’s reading teaches us how to discern using two ideas: willingness and resistance. When we practice discernment, we favor willingness and reject (decide against) resistance.

Let’s look at an example:

Let’s imagine there is someone I don’t like. He is loud, he always thinks he’s right, and he often speaks with a sarcastic tone of voice that puts others down. I feel very uncomfortable around him. I never know what to say or how to be. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I always end up feeling stupid and awkward when I am around him.

A dear friend is having a dinner party. When she calls to invite me, I am very excited about getting together with her and friends, so I eagerly accept the invitation. However, as we continue to chat on the phone, she mentions she has invited this man I don’t like. I immediately realize that I do not want to go to this party.

After hanging up the phone, my mind spins with all kinds of confusing thoughts. I don’t want to suffer through a dinner party with this man, but I’ve already accepted the invitation. I don’t want to disappoint my friend. I start thinking about excuses that might allow me to cancel without her feeling offended. I select an excuse that might work, and I begin planning the best time to call and tell her. I can’t call too quickly, or she’ll know that I am lying.

When that last thought crosses my mind, I begin to feel guilty. I am lying to a good friend. She doesn’t deserve that. But I really don’t want to be around this man, especially when alcohol is being served. No telling what he will say!

So far, every thought in this imaginary scenario has been judgment. Discernment isn’t being used at all. So let’s imagine that in my confusion and pain, I open NTI randomly and open to NTI Luke 16. After reading it, I journal with inner spiritual intuition. Here’s what’s written:

Notice how afraid you are right now. You are afraid of being in the same room with this man. You are afraid of offending your friend. You are afraid of the guilt of lying. What do these three fears have in common?

Can you see that you are afraid that you are bad?

You are afraid to be around this man because you believe you are unworthy. That belief comes up when you are around him. When it comes up, you believe it again. You don’t like how you feel when you believe you are bad, so you want to avoid him.

You do not want to offend your friend, because you believe that means you are a bad friend.

You do not want to lie to your friend, because you believe the act of lying is proof that you are bad.

You are lost in confusion, because you are trying to avoid the belief that you are bad, but as you try to avoid it, the belief remains intact. Instead of trying to avoid the belief, which reinforces it, why not make the decision that will help you heal the belief?

After reading what was written with inner wisdom, my perspective changes from judgment to discernment. With discernment, I want to favor the choice that will help me heal. So, I decide to go to the party and use it for my healing. This is what happens at the party:

I notice I am afraid to join in the conversation, because I am afraid he will make a sarcastic comment about anything I say. I notice that avoiding talking is avoiding the ‘I am bad’ belief. I decide to be willing to talk if something arises to say.

Since I am tuned in to intuition, I am quieter than usual. I am not expressing opinions about politics or debating spiritual concepts. However, a story is told that prompts a memory of a similar story from my life. I feel the inner prodding to tell the story. I do.

After I tell my story, there is a pause in the conversation. The man that I have feared looks at me, and then busts out laughing. I notice the idea, “He thinks I’m stupid.” Then I notice my dear friend is laughing too. I realize that if I was alone with her and told her this story and she laughed, I wouldn’t interpret it the way I did when he laughed. I realize it is my own judgment that leads me to think I’m bad. This realization feels like an important insight. Grateful to have seen this, I laugh too.

Judgment

I mentioned that the difference between discernment and judgment is the purpose. When I practice discernment, I favor choices that point toward truth or help me purify or awaken. Judgment is different. Judgment makes choices that emphasize ‘me’ as this body-personality-mind in a world that is separate from me.

For example:

• I don’t want to go to the party if he will be there.
• I’m bad if I offend my friend.
• I can avoid offending her if I make up a good excuse she will believe.
• Even if she believes me and isn’t offended, I am bad if I lie to a friend.

Contemplate the difference between discernment and judgment, and then start using discernment to make decisions instead of using judgment.