Today’s workbook lesson describes the ego mind. This mind, as described in the lesson, may be more or less conscious for you now. You may be well aware of being torn with doubt, confused, afraid and angry, weak, blustering, afraid to go ahead, afraid to stay, afraid of every sound, yet more afraid of stillness; seeing only sin; wanting to live, yet wishing to die.

When this mind is conscious and believed, the experience is hell. When it is repressed, there is some relief, but it also breaks through into consciousness in a distorted way, projecting blame for our uneasiness away from our self. Freedom comes from the death of this mind, the end of this way of thinking.

Today’s workbook lesson says of the ego mind, “It does not ask, because it thinks it knows. It does not question, certain it is right.” The lesson also says that we learn forgiveness “from a Teacher other than yourself, Who represents the other Self in you.”

It is time for us to begin asking within for understanding and guidance. If we are to find freedom, we need to let the teacher who knows the way take the lead.

The ego mind does not ask, because it thinks it knows. Therefore, we will ask. We will not come from ego. We will accept that we do not know, and we will ask. I encourage you to take time at least 1-3 times a week to sit quietly and ask within for whatever you need to see or realize now. Leave the question open, and let the genuine answer come.

Here is how I asked the question today, and the answer I received. Notice the first question I asked was, “What shall I ask,” so that even the questions that followed were guided by the inner teacher.

Regina’s personal journaling from today:

What shall I ask? How can I be myself? What is absolutely the best practice for me now?

Slow attention. Rushed attention goes in habitual directions. Even some old habits are being reborn. You feel the disconnect even though you don’t believe it like you did before. Funny how something untrue can be experienced.

Truth can be realized and blocked simultaneously. This has happened millions upon millions of times before. The ego does not give up easily, so as one nears the threshold some distraction is found, and off attention goes in the wrong direction. The memory of nearness lingers, the clarity it brought remains, and yet there is a feeing of being separate too.

Your weakness is busyness, and it comes from wanting to please everyone, to meet all demands. It is time to put personal awakening back in the forefront and let go of the wish to make others happy.

The master does nothing and yet nothing goes undone. Relinquish all mental doing, and watch what gets done.

The other thing to watch is desire. As the feeling of separation increases, desires increase. As the feeling of separation dies, desires die. When you notice yourself desiring outside of yourself, realize that is only a distortion of your calling for God, and return instead to your one true desire.

Be slow. This is your prescription now. When you notice going fast, slow down.

How to Contemplate, conclusion:

In summary, here are the keys to contemplation.

How to Contemplate, continued:

As with all things spiritual, the best way to learn contemplation is to learn from yourself. Therefore, for today’s tip I’d like to share some of my favorite quotes on contemplation. As you contemplate these quotes, you learn how to contemplate through contemplation:

How to Contemplate, continued:

In my experience, the ego will almost always (& maybe I should say ‘always’ instead of ‘almost always’) try to block contemplation, and it will do it in any way that it can.

Peace Pilgrim said that the ego knows the weakest spot in your armor. That means the ego will say whatever YOU will listen to. Just as the spiritual path is highly individualized, the ego’s attempts at blocking us can also be highly individualized.

Michael Langford has a teaching that can be very helpful here. He says, “Hundreds of times every day ask yourself ‘How is what I am thinking now helping to feed the ego illusion?'”

This question can be very helpful when ego tries to block contemplation. You could edit it to be more specific by asking, “How is what I am thinking now helping to block contemplation and serve the ego illusion?”

For example, let’s imagine thinking says, “This sucks. I’m just making this up, and it’s not any good. It’s not at all poetic.” And then you ask, “How is what I am thinking now helping to block contemplation and serve the ego illusion?” That will help you see that if you listen to the previous thought you might give up on contemplation, which serves the ego quite well.

If thinking says, “This isn’t deep. It isn’t profound enough,” you ask, “How is what I am thinking now helping to block contemplation and serve the ego illusion?” Then you can see that if you listen to the previous thought you might give up on contemplation, which serves the ego quite well.

Here are a few tricks the ego has tried to play on me over the years:

~ When nothing was coming right away, the thought would be, “I’m not going to get anything out of this quote. It’s too straightforward. There’s nothing more to be had here.” Or maybe the thought would be, “I don’t understand this quote at all. How am I supposed to get something out of this?” (How is what I am thinking now helping to block contemplation and serve the ego illusion?)

~ When something came very quickly, the thought would be, “That came too fast. That’s just me, not wisdom.” (How is what I am thinking now helping to block contemplation and serve the ego illusion?)

~ When flowery poetic language came, the thought would be, “I’m just writing this to impress others. It’s not genuine.” (How is what I am thinking now helping to block contemplation and serve the ego illusion?)

~ When plain and simple language came, the thought would be, “This isn’t anything. I’m just not good enough to receive something real.” (How is what I am thinking now helping to block contemplation and serve the ego illusion?)

~ When something came through feeling or a silent knowing, and I came up with the words to describe it, the thought would be, “I should hear words.” (How is what I am thinking now helping to block contemplation and serve the ego illusion?)

Etc.

You get the point. In order to allow contemplation, you need to be able to ignore the ego’s attempts to block contemplation, regardless of what those attempts look like.

I had a conversation with Jacquelyn Eckert about this yesterday, and she said something funny, but helpful. If you can think a thought like this in response to ego’s attempts to block you, you will be able to go right passed ego and write whatever is coming in whatever way it is coming.

Jacquelyn said, “Even if this is crap, it’s the highest crap I’m capable of at this time.”

~ ha ha ~

And this is why Jacquelyn IS learning to write with inner wisdom.

Regina’s Personal Contemplation of Lesson 118:

God’s peace and joy are mine. Peace is my natural Self. I am peace so pure that I peacefully allow even ego insanity and emotional illusion. Nothing affects the peace that I am. It is untouchable. Joy comes from the conscious expression of my truth. Live as peace and I know joy.

Let me be still and listen to the truth. Thought is like a maze that leads into the land of lost. This land resides within peace and is embraced by peace at all times, but it is so fantasy-filled that truth is overlooked in favor of dramatic action. To realize ever-present truth, rest outside of the maze. From outside of the maze, truth is obvious