Yesterday we noticed our desire for service and our desire for self-centered living. We acknowledged the presence of both, and we looked within to see which one represents our true desire.

If you realized that service is your true heart’s desire, and then you notice yourself making choices from self-centeredness, you may be tempted to judge yourself for going against your true desire. Today’s reading addresses this temptation. The reading says:

You are not separate, and so you can do nothing alone. All that you do, you do of Me.

What does that mean? Does it mean that I can indulge my self-centered tendencies and be in harmony with my Self?

No, it doesn’t mean that.

It means that everything is consciousness. To knowledge, which sees only consciousness, whether you are being kind or selfish, whether you are taking care of the body or hurting it, etcetera, you are still consciousness within consciousness, so consciousness is present in everything you do.

Think of the exercises we did with children’s molding clay. Whether you mold a little girl smelling a flower, a man killing a woman, one person helping another person or one person stealing from another person, they are all made out of clay, so clay is always present. From the point-of-view of clay, the only thing that ever actually exists is clay.

Consciousness is more than molding clay. Consciousness is intelligence. Since all things are consciousness, the intelligence of consciousness is always present. That means no matter what choices you have made, you have not left the realm of guidance. At any moment, whenever you are ready and regardless of what you have done, you can always ask for the highest vibrational choice and it will be available for you. You can’t go so deep into darkness that you leave consciousness or its benevolent intelligence behind.

If you cannot ever step outside of consciousness or its benevolent intelligence, is there a reason one should choose service over self-centered living?

Yes. The reason for choosing service over self-centered living is joy.

Although you cannot ever exit consciousness, you can go further and further out of harmony with your true heart. Joy comes from being in harmony with your true heart, so the further you are from being in harmony with it, the more you suffer.

As you read today’s reading, consider this quote from Ramana Maharshi:

Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to desire it. What is wrong is seeking it outside when it is inside.

Today’s reading defines “service” as being in harmony with one’s Self. It is aligned with the definition of “service” as Ramana Maharshi used it when he said:

“Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world.”

Prior to realization, service is seeking the light, seeking the light’s point-of-view and surrendering to the light’s guidance.

The opposite of service is “conflict.” Conflict is seeking one’s individual will, clinging to one’s individual point-of-view, and doing things “my way.”

One reason that individual will is conflict is because, as we have already seen, no two individual minds are exactly alike. Therefore, whenever we cling to our individual will, we eventually conflict with any other individual will that we come into contact with.

Another reason that individual will is conflict is because it conflicts with our own true heart. That is, it conflicts with our spiritual aspiration, which is what we want most of all.

Today’s reading says that service is joy. That’s because there is no conflict in service. When we are in service to the light, we are in harmony with ourselves and with the truth of all beings. We are in-tune with the natural benevolence of the universe. We are the presence of love by being in harmony with love through service.

As you read today’s reading, contemplate your desire for service over self-centered living. As you do, you may notice the part of your mind that clings to self-centered living. That is the part of your mind that is afraid of full and total service. It believes it loses something in service. It believes it loses itself in service. It holds onto itself through self-centeredness.

As you notice the part of your mind that resists service and clings to self-centeredness, you are noticing the part of your self that prefers conflict to love. Look at it as it shows up in your contemplation today. See it, acknowledge its presence, and then ask, “What do I truly want?” There are two wills in you now, but which one is your true heart’s desire?

Today’s reading is about a wish, a fog, and a shadow.

The Wish

The wish isn’t fully conscious in most humans, although it drives their behavior and decision-making processes. It is the wish to be something, commonly felt as the wish to be somebody. It is the wish for distinctness. It is the wish for identity. It is the wish for separation.

This wish is core to the human psyche. From the time that a child is a toddler, it begins seeking identity. At first, the child looks to its parents or caregivers for its identity. Whatever they tell the child it is, it believes. Later, the search for identity broadens. Identity comes from a wide range of “sources” including other people, media influences and most especially, one’s own developing mental chatter.

The Fog and the Shadow

Driven by the wish to be something, we each develop a view of the world and a sense of self. The fog is one’s view of the world. The shadow is one’s sense of self. They are completely illusory, decided upon solely by the individual mind. It is as Nisargadatta said:

The world you can perceive is a very small world indeed. And it is entirely private.

Since our world and individual sense of self is completely private and not shared with anyone else, they can’t be truth. They are individual made-up illusions.

As we learned on Day 85, we are free to maintain a false sense of self and a false sense of the world. We are not guilty for doing so. However, “the fog and the shadow” block truth as long as we cling to them. Even more, we typically suffer because of the fog and shadow we’ve made.

The Antidote

Since the wish to be something is the reason we made up an individual view of the world and self, a different wish (or different desire) is the antidote. That different wish is one’s spiritual aspiration.

Today’s reading says:

Step into the Light fully without fear of death, and see how clearly your path is lit.

What is the “fear of death” that today’s reading speaks of?

It isn’t fear of bodily death. It is the fear of losing one’s self—one’s sense of self.

Yesterday’s tip was about the mind-made laws we live by. Again, these mind-made laws vary by individual, and they make up the filter of the individual mind. Since they make up the filter of the individual mind, that means we see and understand the world and ourselves the way we do because of  these mind-made laws.

The mind likes to understand. It feels comfortable understanding. That means our individual mind-made laws are like a security blanket for the mind. That’s true, even if we suffer because of the laws we believe in.

Since the mind gets its sense of comfort from the laws, it identifies with the laws, just as a small child identifies with its security blanket or security toy.

Have you ever seen how upset a child gets if you take its security item away?

It is as if you are removing the child’s orientation to the world.

That’s how it is with the ego too. The mind feels threatened to the point of death when you start removing the laws it is oriented to.

As you get serious about letting go of mind-made laws, the ego may rebel, just like a small child rebels when you take away its security item. If you want to “step into the light fully,” you must learn to relax through ego rebellion. To step into the light fully, you need to let go of living and seeing through individual mind-made laws, even though that makes the ego extremely uncomfortable.

Unrelated note: A friend sent me a link to The Visual Bible’s Acts movie on Youtube. If you like, you can use this link to watch the movie when we get to NTI Acts.