Great insight Aggie. Thanks for sharing.

I listened to Regina's talk on Sunday and it provided more light on this subject (my disturbance with E). The encouragement to look within, not without, for the cause of the disturbance. But even as I typed that, looking for the cause, I think, is the game of the ego. At least the way I've played it. And this morning, I bumped up against another set of circumstances that provided more opportunities for learning. My husband, lovely man, in the past few days has been leaving jobs. actions, (in my opinion) half done. One after the other...with the very last one leaving the battery drawer on my little tool chest open and walking away. As I stared at it and felt the anger rise, the urge to call it to his attention rise, it occurred to me that all of these irritations with others are things that "not allowed" in aggie's world. There's a right way to be and a wrong way. Leaving a drawer opened is wrong. Not polishing the underside of the new wooden box is wrong. On and on. These are all things aggie does not allow. For herself or anyone else. And as Regina said, if you find yourself or anyone else guilty, it's based on a belief. For me it always seems to be the same belief with different variations. Someone (you or me) crossed a line. This is right and that is wrong. You chose wrong. I chose wrong.  So anger results. 

But this morning it seems that this idea of my choosing is merely a method the Holy Spirit uses gets me to look at what is happening. To help me be present and to SEE instead of think. To SEE instead of believe. To wake up out of my sleep. To be aware.

I've tried to find the moment of choice, to see when a choice is made, who was choosing and I couldn't do it. I looked for what made a choice in any given moment and I couldn't find it. Just the next moment unfolded. And the next and the next. And it happened to be this, not that. This personality then assumed it was it that decided but if I look, there's no one there. Just life unfolding. 

So who is there to get angry with? Who is there to have chosen wrongly? Who is there that made a mistake? No one. Awareness. Seeing what's going on instead of taking beliefs as reality. Coming out of my head and all that thinking and SEE what's happening. And seeing is enough. There's a knowing that seems to rise up, not thinking knowing, but knowing. Words usually can't capture it. 

So the world truly reveals moment by moment what this personality believes about itself. And if we are present enough to see what is happening, what reactions arise, we get to see the rules we’ve set up for ourselves, the walls we’ve built to try and contain ourselves in. And it is in the seeing of that, that the walls come down. Perhaps not all at once, but brick by brick or board by board. Till as Regina says, we just don't see those walls anymore. They weren't ever really there any ways...

so I had made up some cards of some of the important words in the Course and elsewhere and they just arrived  here are the first three that I read. Just love it!