AT Blog Articles

Clarifying How to Recognize an Ego Attack, by Regina Dawn Akers

October 1, 2024

On Sunday, I led the Awakening Together Weekly Gathering, “When the Mind Goes Crazy.” In that gathering, I talked about how to recognize an ego attack. After listening to a few people since then, I thought it might be helpful to clarify one point.

An ego attack always has the purpose of trying to stop you from moving forward on the spiritual path. Maybe you are about to follow significant guidance, and it comes to try to stop you. Maybe you are about to make a significant shift, and it comes to try to stop you. An ego attack is the reaction of homeostasis in the thought system. It is an attempt to prevent change.

Ego attack isn’t the only time you are challenged by thoughts that are louder and more persistent than usual. For us to let go of anything, it needs to rise out of the subconscious and be seen. So, for example, if it is time for you to let go of a specific false belief, you may see and feel a lot more of that than usual. This is different than an ego attack, because the purpose is different. This is grace. Grace is pushing something up from the subconscious to be seen in awareness.

In some ways, it doesn’t matter if it is an ego attack or grace pushing something up to be seen and healed. What you do is the same: Rest, accept and allow, trust, watch, and do not believe or engage with it. However, the reason I wanted to help you recognize an ego attack is because an ego attack is trying to get you to STOP! RUN! GO the OTHER WAY! If you don’t recognize an ego attack for what it is, you might stop, run, go the other way. If you see it for what it is, you will be able to stay, rest through the attack, and continue forward in the direction of truth realization.

I hope this is helpful.

Here is a link to my Weekly Gathering for those who did not hear it:

https://youtu.be/fgcB6Jdt620

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I Am A Dream: Remake ~ An Inspirational Article by Billy Sintiris and Meg Reinhart

September 29, 2024

In August of 2024, Rev. Billy Sintiris shared during a Weekly Gathering from a writing he and Rev. Meg Reinhart had contemplated. This writing was based on a teaching from Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj. If you’d like to listen to the weekly gathering audio you can find the link here.

I Am A Dream That Can Wake You Up

The world you see is nothing but a fleeting spectacle—a dazzling display without substance, existing only as long as you choose to engage with it. It has no true cause or purpose, merely serving as a distraction for the unawakened mind. To the Self, or Atman, the world is simply a colorful play, enjoyed while it lasts but ultimately forgotten when it ends.

The only true reality is the observer, the Self, who remains untouched by the illusions and transient dramas of the world. The enlightened one, or Jnani, moves through life without being swayed by the oscillations of joy and sorrow, life and death. They understand that all of these experiences are just a part of the show—real only to those who are bound by them, but ultimately devoid of any lasting substance.

In the state of true realization, the Jnani experiences a profound, uncaused bliss—a happiness that is intrinsic, independent of external conditions. Unlike those who seek happiness through transient pleasures and fear suffering, the Jnani knows that their state of being is their own, untouched by the shifting tides of the world. This bliss is closer and more real than even the body, more intimate than the mind itself.

The world, in its entirety, arises from nothingness and eventually returns to nothingness. Yet, for those who are not awakened, it seems filled with creators, preservers, and destroyers—forces that govern their perception of reality. However, once you step into the state of Self-realization, these distinctions dissolve, and you come to see yourself in everything. The world’s illusions fade away, revealing the true nature of existence.

Though the Jnani perceives the world as others do, they do not believe themselves to be a part of it. They see it instead as an iridescent drop in the vast ocean of consciousness—a small, ephemeral reflection in the infinite expanse of awareness. As they journey through life, they grow increasingly peaceful, knowing that they are returning home. The burden of the body lessens with each passing day, and the mind becomes serene, free from desire and aversion. Every sensation is met with equanimity and an affectionate detachment, as the Jnani understands that these experiences are as fleeting as the world itself.

The suffering of the body may persist, but it is of no consequence. Whatever state the Jnani finds themselves in, they accept it as it is, recognizing it as merely a state of mind. They are neither the body nor the experiencer of the body; they are the pure awareness that underlies all experience. Outer events do not mold their inner state, for at the root of their being is a speck of intense light—pure consciousness. This light naturally radiates and creates images in space and events in time, effortlessly and spontaneously. When the mind becomes active, distinctions arise, and with them, pleasure and pain. But in the stillness of pure awareness, these dualities cease to exist.

The liberated one is alone, yet they are all. They are not a being, but the very essence of beingness in all things. Even this description falls short, for they are beyond words and concepts, the ground from which all existence springs.

Everyone dies as they live. But the Jnani is not afraid of death, for they are not afraid of life. They live a life of true happiness and will die a death free from fear. Misery comes from the illusion of birth, not from death. In reality, the Jnani was never born, and so they cannot grow old. What appears to others as a person is merely a projection in their minds. The Jnani is not concerned with such illusions.

In my world, no one is born, and no one dies. Life’s journey is just a dream, and the only reality is waking up from it. Recognizing the ‘I am’ as the ultimate reality is enough. This realization is the seed of Self-awareness, which, once planted, will inevitably grow into the mighty tree of enlightenment, no matter how long it takes.

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The Crystal in the Field: A Journey to Non-Separation ~ An Inspirational Article by David Hemphill

July 13, 2024

Spiritual guidance tends to arise for me in concise and simple terms. Often, guidance might be one sentence long and last me several months. However, this morning I had asked for more explanatory and specific instructions. Of course, as the universe would have it, I was given what I asked for.

—

In the guidance below, the Crystal is a metaphor for the sense of self. The assumption is that we build walls and fortifications around our sense of self, in the form of beliefs about the world, in order to protect the sense of self. Visually, the crystal is in the center of a field, and around it are walls and fortifications to keep people away.

—

Embracing the crystal is a metaphor for placing the sense of self under direct inquiry, rather than building around it. Visually, the fortifications have been taken down, and all that is left at this point is the crystal sitting vulnerably in the middle of a field. Should I embrace the crystal, it melts away, but so do I – as its my sense of self. It is ego suicide, in a way. Not of the body, but of the mind.

—

To guidance: What would you have me do? To sit back on the crystal?

—

Wisdom: You are going to merge with the crystal, ultimately dissolving identity. The crystal is the lived belief in separation. It is the belief through which the mind has seemingly separated itself from reality and created an ego. It is more than the root of all belief; It is the seeming existence of any belief at all.

—

The crystal – belief in separation – like all other beliefs, upon close examination, is actually not there. The arising of it and the seeing of it are the same. While it is helpful to feel one is embracing the crystal and melting away the belief of separation, the truth is sweeter than even that, as there is no crystal to melt and therefore nothing to resist embracing. One is already melted with the Crystal at all times, whether or not they are aware of it. Believing the thoughts of separation does not make it so.

—

Effort is a significant and pragmatic part of spiritual practice, and so for a time it will seem the effortlessness of non-separation will require the effortfulness of the self to embrace the crystal and dissolve latent tendancies. This can result in tremendous pain and crying, but only because one is looking at their own mind for what it is and feeling the underbelly of the ego in the full light of awareness. The pain arising is not a result of any practice or new situation, but is actually the pain that is already being believed and anchored into identity, hidden away behind the belief of separation, fueling the attachment to self / ego.

—

It is helpful to do what is easiest and what comes most natural to you. There will be times of dissolving beliefs one at a time, embracing their emotion and fully feeling them; And there will be times of pulling the floor out from beneath a whole group of beliefs, shattering a paradigm in one quick swoop, without investigating each part. Regardless of which approach is taken – which ratio is chosen and with which strategies, including both those strategies mentioned here and other strategies for processing belief not mentioned here – thought will continue to appear and enlighten you.

—

As long as thought arises unquestioned, you are being shown in real time where to work next. Each arising thought is another apparent separation of reality (always requiring a “me” for the thought to reference) and is just an innocent alarm showing you where belief still lives. Loving everything you think will make embracing the crystal seem easy, and hating what you think will make it seem hard. Neither loving nor hating belief will make it real. With this, you are free.

—

To Guidance: What am I to do?

—

You are to be as present and open as you can to noticing what is alive in you to do for this moment.

—

You may embrace the crystal and invest effort to help it dissolve. You may meditate. You may reject embracing the crystal and live for more time with the beliefs of separation. You may question some beliefs and leave others untouched. You may question every belief, and process everything that arises; You may walk the planet freely, doing whatever arises for you to do. You are truly free. You may make any decision, any choice, and you will always be accepted.

—

Sit in your heart and cultivate an understanding of what is truest to you. Then, when you have found what is truest for you to do, see the beliefs you wear like clothing to protect yourself – belief in needing safety, belief in having an opinion, belief in a me, belief in time, belief in distance. Call those beliefs by name, and be willing to meet them in inquiry or surrender.

—

Ultimately, everything and anything that is done is utterly perfect and already pristine. The path is about waking up to what is already true, not about making something true by changing your mind. Therefore, there really is nothing for you to do beyond being as authentically yourself as you can in any moment. The apparent efforting and work to be done will be on the ways you believe the moment isn’t already worth loving.

—

In summary: Cultivate heart felt aspiration. Become as open minded and aware as you can muster. Be willing to meet whatever arises. Use practices of inquiry and surrender, when needed, when its natural. Know that the actual work is already done, and all that this guidance does is help you become aware of perfection as it manifests.

—

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Diving Off the Branches ~ Inspirational Writing by David Hemphill

December 20, 2023

It’s everywhere. It’s on the leaves, in the trees, diving off the branches. Swimming through the air, summersaulting across the table. Exploding in the clouds and sprinting across the sky.

Look inside yourself for your inner wisdom, and you will surely find it. It comes for you. Like a bee, waffling through the air. Like an eagle, swooping to the ground. It’s the water, carving paths through mountains, waiting for a reunion with you in the deltas.

Every thought can take you to it. Be still. You are here as these thoughts arise. You are here as they dissipate. Whether they pour sorrow like rain, or despair like hail, you are here. Torrents, hurricanes, and tornadoes: Fury, rage, exasperation. Whatever storm arises, its you who watches them undamaged.

Do not be afraid. Each and every experience is a flower blooming in your field of life. Little celebrations are born as seeds, soaking up the nutrients in its soil. Your ambition, your love, your sacrifice are your roots. And from your deep presence, the stalk of experience breeches the surface, rising up past the ground and reaching for the sky. Your generosity, your holidays, your family: They are the sweet fruits and fancy leaves blooming. Life is budding, and flowering.

And wilting. Know your loss is not accidental. Wisdom uses grief to meet you, too. Each dying branch on a great oak tree is destined to fall. Life makes way for more life, and the oak becomes magnificent and proud. But even the mighty tree has an expiration, and one day it falls and clears way for new life.

The mind, and the identity your mind has assumed of you, is safe to perish like the great oak. Underneath the bark, the decay, the microbes and decomposers, is a richness to life no single being could encompass. Wisdom will take you there, to the place beyond encompassing. Which roll-e-pollie can claim it decomposed the oak? Which earth worm can claim it moved the soil for garden? No single thought or identity can ever encompass it. It is beyond itself. Life is beyond itself.

Turn to your inner wisdom and look there. It will lead you to the bliss that is everywhere. On the leaves, in the trees, diving off the branches.

~David Hemphill

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If you feel called to contemplate this poem and would like to share, you can share your contemplation here.

All Is Alive And Well ~ an Inspirational Poem by David Hemphill

December 15, 2023

At night in the midst of my sleep and rest,
I had a dream where Spirit came to me.
In the body, with the voice of my mother,
Spirit spoke to me tenderly through a phone.

Sweating and pacing my house, restlessly wandering my home,
I spoke to my mother Spirit.
She told me all was alive and well.
The dogs, the deceased, my past, my future.

“I don’t understand,” I told her,
“Where are they at? The days gone and those yet to happen; My feelings, my people. Where are they?”
“They’re at home, in the house” she said,
Yet as I roamed the empty rooms, their presence eluded me.

“I can’t see anything, mom.
“I know in my heart what you’re saying is true.
“I feel them alive and well.”
And then I began to sob.

“These rooms are like a house of mirrors!
“I just have thoughts, I just see thoughts.
“My stories bounce off the walls: First I finished school, and then I, and then I,
“And then, and then – and after all the memories paint my awareness, I can’t see the present.”

Mother Spirit listened and compassionately responded,
“All is alive and well. Nothing is gone from you.”
“You’re not hearing me!” I yelled, “I am standing here in this hollow house, and there is nothing!”
Spirit smiled through the phone. Her voice carried a beacon of light.

“They are all right here. There is no other here for them to go.
“The only distance is the assumption there is distance. It is a mirage.
“The only loss is the assumption there is loss. Assumptions are an illusion we conjure.
“The essence of all is present in this moment, unscathed.

And from the light of her words, I knew she spoke my direct experience – truth.
Enlightened by her words, I crumpled to the ground.
I let myself lie on the floor, curled and crying, I embraced my sorrow.
“I’ve wondered about this house for so long. It’s been so painful. And yet, they’re all right here.”

My tears were rivers of release,
Flooding my face, I woke up from my sleep.
Sobbing at 4:00 in the morning, my sorrow echoed into the waking state,
But Spirit’s presence was magnified a thousand fold against the light of waking consciousness.

“There are no links. No connections. No thread binds things together.
“The only assumptions are the ones assumed to be there. We are shackled only by what shackles we are willing to bear.
“There’s no space to maintain. Serenity and grace eternally persist.
“There is no more to do. No self to affirm. Nothing to grasp or hold.

“Nobody to receive, nowhere to be. A perpetual dance where:
“All is alive and well.”

—
Immediately the following morning, I had a Zoom appointment with an enlightened teacher. I explained my spiritual journey, and he simply echoed what I heard in my dream. I can continue with my inquiry until there is nothing left to inquire. There are no links between experiences. The foundation from which belief in mind arises is the assumption there is a foundation from which belief in mind arises.

~David Hemphill

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If you feel called to contemplate this poem and would like to share, you can share your contemplation here.

Vision ~ an Inspirational Poem by Dan Wetzel

March 10, 2023

Vision

Christ counsels:

Build where winds of change roil never
So rest I now in shelter sure
Stillness loves forever

While sadness drapes a broken heart
In shreds of dour rejection
Eyes of Christ see but Joy
Clothed as God’s reflection

Brilliance beams from your azure gaze
Like laser cuts through steel
Guiding mind adrift in dreams
To follow what is real

Forgiving thoughts of sleeping kin
Of heartbreak, fear, guilt, division
Lifting masks which hide the truth
Of innocence and ageless youth
As radiance of Child first born
Lights the mind celestial
Cosmos fades like mist in sun
Reveals Gods’ Sons as special

Light of the world
A thousand suns
Dim before your glory
As laughter reigns
We wake again
To end the ancient story

~ Dan Wetzel

Find the Constant ~ An Inspirational Article by Yvonne Unger

February 21, 2023

Do you know the desire for a familiar place, for an anchor, for a haven of peace? It is part of being human that we desire for this security. And it is part of the world that it is not able to fulfill this desire. Not now, not in the past, not in the future.

The constant lies beyond time and space. Beyond your perception, your thoughts and feelings. You cannot reach it with knowledge. Nobody can give it to you. There are no words for it, even though – for the sake of communication – we give it names like truth, absolute awareness, God or Tao. The only thing that can be reliably said about it: You can only experience it directly. Direct experience always happens in the present moment. Here and now. The more often you connect with this quality, the more it will carry you and the more you will be rooted in it.

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Clunky Being-ness ~ An Inspirational Article by Rhoda Makled

December 31, 2022

“Buddha and God appear in many forms. The buddha is not only in the cloud. He is in our hearts and in the hearts of many others.”

The Heart of Buddha’s Teachings by Thich Nhat Hanh.

Something in this quote just sank from the head to the heart. I look into the kitchen, and I see Kahmel in a hooded sweatshirt with the hood up over his head as he prepares breakfast for himself after a long boxing workout. SUDDENLY I SEE HIM. He IS God appearing in form for this exact experience. This home IS God. Everything in it IS God. These hands and this computer ARE God. All that is in Awareness and the Awareness itself IS God.

The question that rises is, “What am I trying to Trust?” The confusion that is happening is a belief that there’s a deity that has a plan for all of this. The clarity is that there’s an underlying intelligence in all of Life as it IS manifest and unmanifest. It is not something outside that is watching over it all. It IS the nature of Life. God IS the nature of Life as it moves from the unmanifest to the manifest and back to the unmanifest.

Buddhists describe it as the suchness of life. This is why my only job is to experience life through THIS expression of God. This is why the awakening of all beings is so helpful. As collective consciousness moves to know the power of the collective consciousness and brings love instead of fear everything changes. I am not alone because that is not possible. I am not separate because that is not possible. I AM the unmanifest that has manifested as this body. An interconnected sentient being. When this form ends it returns to the unmanifest.

When fear rules my life (meaning I have full attention on fear) then fear is what I experience. When love and abundance and harmony and peace rule my life (again, meaning I have full attention on love, abundance, harmony, and peace) then love, abundance, harmony, and peace are what I experience. It’s not my fault and yet I am fully capable of seeing the habit energy. There is no entity that will end this suffering loop, but there is my deep and earnest to desire to wake up from the dream of fear. To be fully awake to and embrace the Truth of Love, abundance, harmony, bliss, and peace.

As this clarity flows through, I can feel the mind trying to figure out how to hold onto it. How to make it real. There’s fear here that this clarity will be lost. This is the exact fear that I wish to see. This is the habit energy of “I am not enough” and “I am not safe.” I can feel the practicality of the Loving All Method. I am truly grateful to see this energy rise. This is where I keep turning…to the Loving All Method.

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Vulnerability Is My Superpower; Inspirational Musings

July 27, 2022

From the May 2022 “Understanding Purification” Class

Arlene DeFeo, Christina Marie Goldsmith, Michelle Hojnacki, Isadora Karcher, Judy Lekisch, Pieter van Prooijen, Rebecca Sellers, Jane Marie Sobel

If You Don’t Stop That
by
Hafiz

I used to live in
A cramped house with confusion
And pain.

But then I met the Friend
And started getting drunk
And singing all
Night.

Confusion and Pain
Started acting nasty,
Making threats,
With talk like this,

“If you don’t stop ‘that’
All that fun –

We’re
Leaving.”

By the end of class, I had fallen into a state of Grace. It lasted all night, and this morning it remains. Spontaneous deep breathing, thoughts lessened, and a feeling of peace that I have not felt in some time. Our group has a synergy that is remarkable.

I want to address further what we touched on about death and vulnerability, for I found that my own experience was a devastation that felt immense. Yet, this devastation was a powerful portal to Love. I looked at my beliefs, and what I found was that this happening was no different than any other offering for healing that Life’s Will has given me.

I once read that the death of a loved one is one of Life’s greatest hoaxes, in that, despite cultural conditioning, it has no more meaning than anything else. I was deeply offended when I read that. Yet, in time, I came to understand the truth of this statement.

Years later, I discovered a teaching that stated that within the world culture there are many things that we are conditioned to suffer over, and that this conditioning is why we suffer. Are we not taught to suffer if our spouse leaves us for someone else, instead of celebrating that they have found a further way to love? In that vein, why are we not taught to celebrate a body’s departure, even a loved one, because that soul has been liberated from a life that knows, inevitably, pain and challenge? All suffering is brought on by enculturation, the ubiquitous, adopted set of beliefs that run counter to Love.

These raw and beautiful insights into the conditioning of “loss,” this collective grasping, motivates me to turn away from the world, for it’s true that our culture conditions all with a lens of suffering and loss. “Life is pain, and then you die,” was the framework I remember from childhood. I always resisted that message, yet now I see how it has worked it’s way under my skin. We are taught that there are some things in life that should and will kill us, and I sense a cultural expectation that we be discontented. It’s like an obligation, “how dare you be happy when ‘this’ is happening?”

Oh I dare, I dare! I’m taking off the poop-colored glasses and no longer buying into the collective discontent. I want the Joy and Peace of God. It is a given.

It has sunk in waaaaay deeper how unnecessary words and thoughts are. I once read that, in the beginning of humanity, there were no words, and that everything was communicated telepathically. But words evolved into our being, even though words are an aberration of our true nature.

I have thought a lot about the experience you shared of the peaceful time you had when you were without words, but you still had the ability to operate normally within the confines of your body. This seems to me to be a satori experience, and you were so blessed. You brought up how, once we label something, we don’t see it fully any more, and you reminded me of the Adyashanti quote that, once a child is taught the word associated with a bird, they never truly see the bird again. Wow.

As I listened to you open up about emotions, I was deeply touched, for I recognized myself in these stories. I have learned so much from what I have experienced already. Learning to slow down and be patient has created a shift in my thinking, and enabled more light and happiness to flow in.

This discussion is one of those learnings that I hope will get sticky and then stick. Often, I have to accept that concepts don’t always adhere the way I would like when I come upon them, but they do go into the soup, and they mix in exactly the way they are meant to. Thank God for that!

I am so happy to be in the soup pot with you. When we let go of the barriers and limitations, the heart opens.

I have felt a transformation that was so swift and subtle that it shook me to my core. I stepped out of something — and into something new — without fully “experiencing” a major occurrence or known point of transition. Events have fueled me in a new way, versus dragging me down. I let go of “yesterdays” and perceptions of me, and just showed up for the moment.

It’s been an incredible feeling to become aware of the separation of belief and what is true. I have learned to be present for others in their painful points, and not to take it on or feel responsible for their choices. I recognize anxieties, face them, and allow them to move through me. It feels like healing and thriving at the same time, which I had not understood was possible.

This purification process feels like a gift. This may be complicated terrain, but we are blessed to have teachers and resources to help us navigate the way. My healing journey has hinged upon getting more acquainted with the innate wisdom of the body, with pain and trauma that can collapse in terrible confusion, and in hiding for safety.

All of my life I’ve felt driven to show my worth, including “intelligence.” In reckoning with trauma, one of the first messages I received was, “It’s okay that you’re not very smart.” I remember standing with my hands on my three-year-old hips, thinking, “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

I’ve been in the crucible of self-acceptance, where logic and “intelligence” are most prized. With the tangible love of our mighty companions, I’m seeing how reclaiming and bringing full force to this innate intelligence is a cornerstone of this self-acceptance, this healing journey that I am on. I commit to being happy…Unless. Yes, some events do seem harder to swallow than others.

I experience these words as very powerful, and deeply true. “Falling into Grace,” the words “Grace” and “It is Given,” which I begin more and more to understand as ” Living in the Given.” I feel this to be the natural state intended by the Source of Love that loves us madly. In accepting Perfection, I have not to be perfect, for It is Given.

This class is bathed in Grace, and I feel that — in every moment we spend sharing together, knowing together, loving together. Each is a light that illuminates brightly the Truth that radiates lovingly within our group, and beyond. I am moved profoundly by this experience, the totality of it, the transcendence of it. We are — each of us — blessed by the presence of the others, and ‘others’ seems an alien word to use, because I feel the presence of Oneness, the consciousness of the Divine, moving through our group in a way that enlivens each of us, sparking recognition of the Divine within. Each brings a unique perspective, opening the window of the soul, radiating vulnerability and truth, embracing all in the Love of the Heart.

This purification work is opening up so much in me, and I am recognizing walls that I haven’t seen in this way before. Although guilt is a source of pain, even in the face of a fear that is very primal, I ask,

“What if vulnerability really is my superpower?”

Vulnerability is my super power! As “I” get out of the way, pure Love emerges. It is a given.

I am immersed in the idea that Love is a given. This seems to pop all of the bars off of the heart, as love spreads wide open, rejoicing,

Here I am. Right now. Love.

This love is patient and kind. It guides the weary traveler along the way.

Thank you. Ah, thank you!

I know that God is doing his work in me. This leaves me in an amazement that is astounding, for, I ask myself:

“What can I possibly lose, if I am already everything?”

The God Who Only Knows Four Words
by
Hafiz

Every
Child
Has known God,

Not the God of names,
Not the God of don’ts,
Not the God who ever does
Anything weird,

But the God who knows only four words
And keeps repeating them, saying:
“Come dance with Me.”

Come
Dance.

Our Fleeting Experience By Jennifer Nahulu

July 22, 2022

This writing is dedicated to my Grandma Verna Mae Kaiulani Ho Nahulu (pictured below) who recently passed away April 19, 2022.

Death can bring a flood of emotions, happy memories, confusion and devastation. It can stop us in our tracks and remind us of what is important in life. It can show us a new perspective of time and how few years we may have left here and with each other. The end of life as we know it, the beginning of something new or a continuation of being, however we see it is the ultimate mystery.

I am happy my family got to be with Verna in her last days and moments. I watched over her and tried to capture her face in my memory, knowing I wouldn’t see her again. It is difficult for the mind to grasp that a person is there one moment and gone the next. I think of my brothers, my Dad and my Mom and I wonder how many years I have left with them. I see the sadness in my Dad’s face. Every moment feels more fleeting.

I have recently had many struggles with family and finances; unsure of how to take care of my Mom whose health has declined rapidly over the last couple of years. My brother and I are slowly rearranging our lives to assist her. A huge financial bill came out of nowhere at the same time. I had spiraled into hopelessness and was desperate for solutions. I was unable to use my spiritual resources for coming back to peace of mind. I couldn’t sit still long enough for meditation or reading or relaxing. I know many people have had increasing challenges over the last few years and can relate.

It was then in April that my Dad notified me that Grandma had fallen again and that this time it was probably the end. We spent her last days with her at Julia Temple (where she was treated in hospice.) Several days after she passed, I returned to work, full of new thoughts and feelings. I thought about what was really important day to day; which was ultimately being grateful for each day I had with my family and friends. Suddenly, sorting out how to take care of Mom wasn’t as much of a burden and all the financial hardships weren’t as devastating. It would all be fine. A small change of perspective could transform unneeded stress into gratitude, after all, things will get done either way and stress only makes things more difficult. I do get to spend more time with my Mom and my brother and I am grateful that I still have everything I want and need when I find myself with more financial responsibilities.

I look through pictures of Grandma from when she was very young until her last years and she always had a smile on her face. She lived her life to the fullest. She created art, she loved nature and she had an eccentric energy about her that people couldn’t resist. I see her spirit in my Dad and my brothers and myself.

I would like to spend less time worried about money, or how I am going to survive or if my family will be okay. Overwhelming stress can overload the mind where we are unable to grasp for the spiritual tools we know have been helpful before. In these moments, sometimes it may be helpful just to stop and trust in the moment. My Grandma had lived a long and full life and she had many of her own struggles to endure. She made it through each one of them to leave this world happy and loved. All of her good moments were fleeting and all of her bad moments were fleeting too. Life comes and goes quickly. We can easily forget about the important things in life. Each of us has a timeless joy in us when we are truly present and trusting. In this moment, we are part of the mystery of life, in our fleeting experience.