Today’s workbook lesson describes the ego mind. This mind, as described in the lesson, may be more or less conscious for you now. You may be well aware of being torn with doubt, confused, afraid and angry, weak, blustering, afraid to go ahead, afraid to stay, afraid of every sound, yet more afraid of stillness; seeing only sin; wanting to live, yet wishing to die.
When this mind is conscious and believed, the experience is hell. When it is repressed, there is some relief, but it also breaks through into consciousness in a distorted way, projecting blame for our uneasiness away from our self. Freedom comes from the death of this mind, the end of this way of thinking.
Today’s workbook lesson says of the ego mind, “It does not ask, because it thinks it knows. It does not question, certain it is right.” The lesson also says that we learn forgiveness “from a Teacher other than yourself, Who represents the other Self in you.”
It is time for us to begin asking within for understanding and guidance. If we are to find freedom, we need to let the teacher who knows the way take the lead.
The ego mind does not ask, because it thinks it knows. Therefore, we will ask. We will not come from ego. We will accept that we do not know, and we will ask. I encourage you to take time at least 1-3 times a week to sit quietly and ask within for whatever you need to see or realize now. Leave the question open, and let the genuine answer come.
Here is how I asked the question today, and the answer I received. Notice the first question I asked was, “What shall I ask,” so that even the questions that followed were guided by the inner teacher.
Regina’s personal journaling from today:
What shall I ask? How can I be myself? What is absolutely the best practice for me now?
Slow attention. Rushed attention goes in habitual directions. Even some old habits are being reborn. You feel the disconnect even though you don’t believe it like you did before. Funny how something untrue can be experienced.
Truth can be realized and blocked simultaneously. This has happened millions upon millions of times before. The ego does not give up easily, so as one nears the threshold some distraction is found, and off attention goes in the wrong direction. The memory of nearness lingers, the clarity it brought remains, and yet there is a feeing of being separate too.
Your weakness is busyness, and it comes from wanting to please everyone, to meet all demands. It is time to put personal awakening back in the forefront and let go of the wish to make others happy.
The master does nothing and yet nothing goes undone. Relinquish all mental doing, and watch what gets done.
The other thing to watch is desire. As the feeling of separation increases, desires increase. As the feeling of separation dies, desires die. When you notice yourself desiring outside of yourself, realize that is only a distortion of your calling for God, and return instead to your one true desire.
Be slow. This is your prescription now. When you notice going fast, slow down.