Question for Liz from a reader:
“I read somewhere in your story, or a blog post, that at some point in your journey with the Course, you experienced heavy ego “rebounding.” I am 1/3 through the workbook. I find there’s strong correlations for me between a day or few days of inner peace, much less ego chatter, etc, followed by very persistent, loud, insistent(!) ego noise and demands. Some mornings after a previous day of consistent meditation are particularly noisy. How did you deal with ego rebounding, and what do you recommend for those periods when my ego’s voice, and its resistance to any of my meditative work, is strong?” – M
Yes, you have described the ego’s rebounding very well. This is the process. You experience peace or an insight and as soon as you even so much as glance (usually unconsciously) in the ego’s direction it does whatever it needs to do to hold your attention. And it’s usually not something nice! This will go on as long as the ego still seems to have something you want and/or you are afraid of God (True Being).
After long, futile struggle I eventually learned to just accept the rebound. I accepted that it was happening because I still believed on some level that the ego had value and/or was “safer” than Truth. I accepted that I was in a long process of undoing that belief. Accepting the process and where I was in the process did not undo all of my discomfort but it did lessen it considerably.
On those days when the ego was particularly raucous and I couldn’t meditate I just accepted that, too. I made the attempt and tried to just be with the resistance, observing it and letting it go. But if it was too uncomfortable I would just go do something else. Throughout the day I would turn my mind inward to Truth whenever I remembered. And if I couldn’t feel It I would remind myself that it was still there. The sun still shines even if, from my point of view on earth, the clouds seem to obscure it for a time.
And I’ve learned that ego episodes always pass. This was something that I would remember in the midst of them, too.