<\/p>\n
If it\u2019s magic, if it\u2019s important, if it\u2019s precious.\u00a0 Then It is important that I to tend to it.\u00a0 I love this song, which is so pure and simple.\u00a0 When I listen to this song, I can feel there are no choices to be made.\u00a0 There is only one choice.\u00a0 All the false choices and false needs just fall away.\u00a0 Such a beautiful reminder of what is truly real.<\/p>\n
I chose the reading from NTI Matthew Chapter 13 because it spoke to me of the nature of the journey to awakening. It speaks about how we must tirelessly lay ourselves aside.\u00a0 Can I surrender my understanding or my perception, for what is real? There is absolutely no other choice.\u00a0 I love how the choice is so clear and simple. No 10 steps to understanding, just one.\u00a0 I love this simplicity.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
All that I do, I do by choice.\u00a0 This does not seem apparent if I am not abiding in the Self.\u00a0 It would seem that outer influences are running everything, and that I am the victim of which direction the current is flowing.\u00a0 Sinking deep within the unaffected Self allows us to see the current, which is not the Self.\u00a0 If we understand this, we can choose.\u00a0 No matter how many times I get swept up, I can reorient myself through<\/em> the Self.\u00a0 We are all vulnerable to the under-toe of illusion.\u00a0 I have seen myself setting up the most ridiculous routines in my life, causing myself stress, whether it\u2019s the hoops that I have to jump through to get through my day, or the obstacle course that I set up around getting my kids ready for their day\u2014so much happening, none of it necessary. \u00a0ALL that I do, I do by choice. There is no exception.\u00a0 That was one, that I had to sit with.\u00a0 \u201cALL of it I do by choice?\u201d I would ask myself.\u00a0 Then I think back to how, as my children are moving into adolescence, in my opinion, there is never more me projected into my experience than at this time in their lives.\u00a0 To quote myself exactly, \u201cPut your retainer in you mouth\u201d\u2014thinking about all the money I spent.\u00a0 \u201cput deodorant on!\u201d\u2014not wanting them to be alienated \u201cPut a coat on, its cold today!\u201d\u2014as I beg my daughter to wear a coat in 40-degree weather.\u00a0 Or here\u2019s a crazy one \u201cIf you don\u2019t stop stretching the wire to your ear buds, you won\u2019t be able to hear out of them!\u201d\u00a0 –all obviously crises! \u00a0Meanwhile, the false self is losing sleep!\u00a0 Empty threats flying! \u00a0Not to mention that the \u201cI am bad\u201d belief makes it difficult hold any boundaries with consistency. \u00a0There is never a more crazy-making time in a parent\u2019s life (in my opinion) as when your children are coming into adolescence. It is the epitome of letting go. \u00a0If there are levels to insanity, I think I hit them all!\u00a0 I really had to look at myself. \u00a0I was reading some books about dealing with difficult scenarios with children.\u00a0 And there was some wisdom.\u00a0 It was called Natural Consequences\u2014meaning let life be the teacher, of course barring anything that may cause harm. So\u2014No head phones, no music; no coat, the cold is the teacher; no retainer, it\u2019ll be what it will be.\u00a0 The beauty is that sometimes everything is fine and life is teaching me too. So, when you\u2019ve done all you can do\u2014”Chop wood, carry water\u201d\u2014then there\u2019s Natural Consequences.\u00a0 The Zen saying is not \u201cChop, wood, carry water, and then get attached to the outcome\u201d.\u00a0 To me, Natural Consequences is another way of saying that awareness knows what it is doing.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have to control everything.\u00a0 So, YES! The answer to my question is, ALL that I do, I do by choice.\u00a0 And I can choose to leave the circus at any time.<\/p>\n What does it mean to lay myself aside? \u00a0To me this means to lay aside that self that is<\/em> affected.\u00a0 To lay aside that self to whom matter matters.\u00a0\u00a0 The One who has the gripe or complaint, the one who is in terror, the one who feels loss or even, the one who is deeply satisfied by current circumstances.\u00a0 When I have not laid myself aside, it has been because I<\/em> had a plan, or I<\/em> feel that my<\/em> idea of what is happening is true, or I feel that I<\/em> know, and because I<\/em> know, I have to carry out my insane plan, because not to, would be irresponsible, so my ego tells me.\u00a0 I have made many regrettable choices along this line of thinking.\u00a0 There is no understanding that can be had, unless I lay myself aside.\u00a0 No matter how complex I may think something is, the answer is right here.\u00a0 I need but clear the confusion to allow clarity to show itself.\u00a0 I am viewing life through a defective lens\u2014and all my choices are made from this faulty perception.\u00a0 I remember when a family member was having some digestive issues, and it was beginning to worry me.\u00a0 Me, being a doctor was throwing everything at it, creating even more confusion. The course I was taking was logical, and well thought out, but apparently not what was needed.\u00a0 I then let it go.\u00a0 I let go of the outcome, my fear, all of it.\u00a0 I truly did lay myself aside\u2014without expectation or motive.\u00a0 Then it came to me without effort as I was sleeping, something so simple that in all my thinking, had not occurred to me.\u00a0 And with its implementation, the illusion disappeared.\u00a0 I say illusion, because there was never a problem.\u00a0 \u201cThere is no one or no thing keeping us from our Self\u201d.\u00a0 Sometimes surrender will look different though. NTI Luke 9 that I happened to be reading the other day says\u2014You will not be healed by the following ways that make sense to you.\u00a0 Following what makes sense to you has brought you to the point of needing healing, and so it cannot be healing itself.\u00a0 So, It is not always about relief from the perceived problem, but freedom is the gift, regardless.\u00a0 What I sometimes hear is \u201cstop seeking to fix your affairs. \u00a0Inherent in this seeking is, more affairs to fix.\u00a0 It is not Truth you seek.\u00a0 You seek to save your world.\u00a0 You seek a temporary peace because you seek to solve the temporal.\u00a0 Therefore, the solution is temporal also.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Then it says in NTI, \u201cnot everyone you meet will be ready to make the choice that you have made.\u201d\u00a0 I have gotten hung up on this one, more times than I can count.\u00a0 I have thought that everybody needs to be aligned with what I am doing for things to work.\u00a0 I constantly have to remind myself that there is no other.\u00a0 I can see myself bucking against the current, needing things to be different before I set myself aside.\u00a0 To continue to have love and acceptance for what is, is most key.\u00a0 Loving and accepting what is, means no judgment.\u00a0 There are times when I can hear myself saying, \u201cthis is never going to work\u201d\u2014why would I say this?\u00a0 Because I think I<\/em> know.\u00a0 My thoughts have already distracted me from my purpose.\u00a0 I have already assigned meaning to everything and everyone.\u00a0 Loving what is, is the alchemy that allows one to see clearly.\u00a0\u00a0 If I give up my confusion, then confusion will cease, if I give up my fear, then fear will cease, if I give up my solutions, then problems will cease\u2014because none of these things are real.\u00a0 But I am the only one that needs to lay myself aside.\u00a0 The temptation to have everyone get on board with what I am choosing, is a trap.\u00a0 There is only one choice and it is mine.\u00a0 The idea of needing to get involved in what others are choosing, just creates a confusion and complexity that does not exist.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It is my choice that must be guarded\u2014my choice to lay myself aside.\u00a0 There is no other choice to be made.\u00a0 No matter how many times I may forget, the choice that I must make never changes.\u00a0 What I have found, though, is that the Ego tries to tell me that I am not worthy of even making the choice, because of the number of times that I have been distracted.\u00a0 The ego sometimes seems to almost make light of my journey due to its inconsistency at times, but these too are distractions.\u00a0 I cannot fall so far where surrender cannot return me immediately back to the Self.\u00a0 The choice must be made Now, again and again.\u00a0 The ego would say, \u201cso just like that, you think you can just go back like nothing happened?\u201d\u00a0 and I now say, \u201cYup!\u201d with the confidence and knowledge that this is so, because NOTHING is ever happening. The more I remember to make this choice, the more the choice makes itself.\u00a0 I have found that when I am diligent with this practice, not only do I automatically start making the choice, but the distractions become more apparent and the return to Self occurs more quickly.\u00a0 It becomes hard not to remember. The self-floggings start to disappear too.<\/p>\n The wonderful thing is that the choice is all that is needed as NTI says.\u00a0 There is no effort past this one choice that is needed.\u00a0 A plant does what it does when you water it.\u00a0 If you remember to water it, it will grow.\u00a0 If you are not ready for the meal that has been prepared for you, then earnestly seek the bread crumb.\u00a0 The moment to moment choice that we make is the bread crumb.<\/p>\n The choice to release all thoughts that are not love is the task.\u00a0 I have noticed that the most innocent, seemingly harmless false thoughts, can gain momentum like a snowball rolling down a hill.\u00a0 All thoughts that are not love must not be allowed to linger and take root.\u00a0 What we look for we will find.\u00a0 I have looked at situations or people in my experience, and have allowed statements like \u201cthis is hopeless\u201d,or, I\u2019ve just had the negative sentiment of judgement without words.\u00a0 It\u2019s like a silent agreement based on past memory or experience.\u00a0 The silent negative prophecy in my head.\u00a0 That person or experience that has not changed, and feels like a fixture in my life, is sometimes held in place by the very thoughts that I think I think privately. \u00a0I judge with the usual ignorance that feels like truth.\u00a0 I trust the law of probability which is grounded in illusion.\u00a0 I use deductive reasoning, saying \u201cwell if it looks and quacks like a duck . . .then there you have it,\u201d and these thoughts often go under the radar, unchecked. \u00a0I realize I cannot release only some parts of the script.\u00a0 I have to release all the ways that I participate in this co-happening. \u00a0All thoughts that are not love must go.\u00a0 Where am I putting my faith?\u00a0 The choice must be pure, untainted by these subtle outlier thoughts that go unseen, and make our choice unclear, muddling the Truth.\u00a0 I had the opportunity the other day, to lay myself aside, I was somewhat inflamed by the way a social worker in my office handled an elderly pt. There had been ongoing issues in the office regarding this social worker.\u00a0 I felt myself gearing up for a rant and I then made the only choice.\u00a0 I respectfully asked for what I needed for my patient from my office manager and then I put myself aside. I did not bad mouth the social worker but stated my patient\u2019s needs.\u00a0\u00a0 It was at that time I made the choice to put myself aside, but something also was taking over me like a silence.\u00a0 The silence was easy.\u00a0 I felt no sense of repression or tongue biting, but just the wisdom to stay silent and at peace.\u00a0 The rest truly was effortless.\u00a0 Something was happening without effort.\u00a0 There was the question of \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d\u00a0 which was followed by the one choice to set myself aside, knowing that I could not possibly answer that question from a place of will.\u00a0 It then became apparent that what I wanted was exactly what happened, Peace.<\/p>\n Sometimes, when I ask for help in setting myself aside and I receive it through guidance, I find myself looking at past choices that I have made, and the \u201cI am bad\u201d belief pops up out of nowhere.\u00a0 I may see the consequences of the choices I have been making, or see the damage or hurt I have caused through past choosing, and I get stuck in self-judgment.\u00a0 Though I am choosing a new path, there needs to be vigilance about old thoughts that can sabotage this new path with thoughts of guilt.\u00a0 The Ego may say, \u201cLook at what you did when you weren\u2019t conscious!\u201d\u00a0 I cannot hide these thoughts from myself, as they are part of the house cleaning that I am doing. Guidance says: \u00a0Give them up, they are not yours to judge.\u00a0 As the new choice you are making sheds light, accept the light, and shine it on every thought that rears its head.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n In some areas of my life there would seem to be comfort within the false self, and it can be easy to just remain here, though it causes me pain. The more time spent in the Self, however, the less the false self feels like home. It starts to feel like anxiety, panic, restlessness, irritability . . .\u00a0 As I look at the self that I have made.\u00a0 There really are no comforts in it.\u00a0 It is ever-changing, unpredictable, unreliable, unquenchable.\u00a0 I no longer find comfort in it.\u00a0 But my Inability to find comfort in it, is growth.\u00a0 It is a result of watering the plant as often as I can remember\u2014and the growth, no effort of my own.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The light within can be revealed with the simple choice to give up what we are not.\u00a0 So precious have I made all these things. \u00a0These things that hold together the false self.\u00a0 My journey, my wounds, my appearances, my status, my story. . .\u00a0 The mystery of what I am, however, is so alluring at his point in my journey, that there is<\/em> no more mystery left in the temporary\u2014it comes, it goes\u2014end of story.\u00a0 What I am, can be revealed in my ability to free-fall into the choice to surrender all knowing.\u00a0 I have thought, there is no wonder in the mundane life that I live.\u00a0 Or, there are no miracles to be had here in this dysfunctional situation I find myself in.\u00a0 But the depth and the possibilities for awakening are endless, right NOW!\u00a0 In everything that I have judged as madness and a waste of time, who am I to say that God is not in it, when I know that all is in God.\u00a0 This too is the trap of a \u201croutine\u201d life. \u00a0Just lay your judgement aside. \u201cChop wood, carry water\u201d and AWAKEN if you dare.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Transcription from Sunday Service on December 8th, 2019 by Rev. Beverly Toporowski. If it\u2019s magic, if it\u2019s important, if it\u2019s precious.\u00a0 Then It is important that I to tend to it.\u00a0 I love this song, which is so pure and simple.\u00a0 When I listen to this song, I can feel there are no choices […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":41012,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[33,88],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-44236","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-blog","8":"category-sidebar","9":"entry"},"yoast_head":"\n