Workbook Lesson 22, What I see is a form of vengeance
“Vengeance” is retaliation for something. It could be called returning like for like.
The world as “a form of vengeance” comes from the thinking-seeing loop. For example, if there is an idea in the mind that I am not as good as others, I begin looking out at the world through the filter of that idea, and I perceive others who are smarter, prettier, more committed, etc. This ‘seeing’ strengthens my idea about me.
One day my boss says to me, “I don’t think you put 100% of your effort into this project. You must not understand how important it is to our success.”
When the boss says this I experience a quick feeling of shame, which morphs into embarrassment and then anger. I walk away thinking angry thoughts about the boss. I think about how the boss doesn’t understand just how difficult that project was. I think about how no one else helped me with the project. I decide everyone on the team is out for their own success. There’s no teamwork here!
I begin to look around the office and notice the cliques that have formed. There are small groups of people who band together, but overall there is a complete breakdown of team.
I feel myself getting angrier.
One day I notice a woman I work with glance at me as I walk by with an armful of new contracts that need to be reviewed. She quickly turns around and says something that I can’t hear to the person at the next desk.
Oh, I know what she said! They are talking about how incompetent I am. They are talking about how I never review the contracts thoroughly enough. But do they offer to help? NO!!!!!!
Hatred begins to boil within me. I start to hate my job. I dread walking into that place everyday. I decide I need to find another job. … And the story continues.
This loop of retaliation in my mind makes the world of vengeance that I perceive.
However it is also more than that, because I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my thoughts, and I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my seeing. As I give attention to the thoughts and perceptions in my ‘personal’ world, I activate them with spirit, and the spirit of those thoughts and perceptions (unworthiness, anger, hatred, victimhood, etc) go out into the world and are shared. They become manifest as other thoughts, as other perceptions and as circumstances in form.
This is why today’s workbook exercise ends with the question, “Is this the world I really want to see?” That question is intended to generate heart-willingness within us, so we will have the desire to step out of our old habits, which is the thinking-seeing loop, and step into new habits, new ways of casting attention.
First comes willingness. New habits are born out of genuine willingness.
