Lesson 196. It can be but myself I crucify.
- Widen the horizons of our vision
- Take direct approaches to uncover the blocks that keep our vision narrow
- Lift those blocks, however briefly, in order to experience the sense of liberation that comes when the blocks are removed
- Intensify our motivation for freedom
Recently my daughter and I were swimming at the pool at my new condo. It was a hot day and we had our drinks in plastic cups sitting at the pool’s edge so we could partake frequently. A shirtless man came along and asked where we lived and told us we couldn’t do what we were doing. I was quite defiant. I had read the posted rules on the board attached to the pool house and saw nothing that made us wrong in our behavior. I demanded that the man tell us what rules we were breaking because I was not going to be intimidated by some random guy who may or may not have any authority to tell us what to do.
Later, when I was closer to being in my right mind, I stepped back and inquired into this scenario and asked myself what did I think I’d gain through this attack on this man. Let’s see, maybe I thought women everywhere were being just a little bit liberated by my not allowing some guy to make me cow down to him and to some rules that, from my perspective, he had pulled out of thin air. Yes, I felt self righteous, indignant even. But did my attack bring me peace? If not, then wasn’t my attack self attack?
He explained he was the board president and the specific rules I had broken were addressed on a laminated sheet of paper attached to each pool side table as well as in the new member packet (which I obviously had not read). That is when I backed down and apologized, but what had my attack gained me?
Liberation and freedom from his attack is what I thought was my gain! But all I found was guilt and remorse. Even if I had been right that there were no rules governing my actions, would I have found the salvation/redemption I was seeking? Would I have felt the attributes of truth and love by challenging the guy whose agenda was different than mine?
I had the crazy idea that my salvation could be found in attacking someone outside of myself. I thought getting my way would gain me something. I thought my attack would make me safe and happy. My salvation was not found, only remorse from having my first encounter with the board president be with this belligerent women who was the newest member of the condo association.
There was no joy, no love. Now I was left suffering. Look at what I created. My attack habit was pure self sabotage. I could see how I put myself in bondage through my attack. It was only when I stepped back that I could grasp the power of my willingness. Willingness is everything. Without willingness we can go a very long time with no change in our attack habits. With great willingness, we can give up attack instantaneously. We can become willing to give up attack when we see that we do not gain through attack; we only increase our own pain.
Might I learn from this lesson and generalize the truth to see that real salvation comes from letting go of all attack forever? Am I not willing to do simple inquiry anytime I see I have forgotten my lesson that “it can be but myself I crucify?”
My salvation will never be found in the split mind. Today’s lesson says: “When you realize, once and for all, that it is you you fear, the mind perceives itself as split.” In my deceived mind I see myself as one entity and the rest of the world (everything else) as another entity. This split, this separation is my living hell and my salvation will never be found there.
