LESSON 135. If I defend myself I am attacked.
Today’s lesson contrasts the ego’s plan for salvation (self preservation) with God’s plan for salvation (Self-realization). Ego, or the thinking mind, believes “that it must plan, although it cannot know the outcome which is best, the means by which it is achieved, nor how to recognize the problem that the plan is made to solve.”
Let’s really look at that for a moment. Isn’t this the human condition—trying to solve a problem that can never be solved?
Six months ago, I had an experience of the thinking mind as other than me. I woke up one morning and watched it scan my body, my environment, the immediate past and the day ahead. I could see that it was scanning for any danger/problems, so it could plan what needed to be done. Witnessing this scanning process was pure Grace. It was clear to me that this process had occurred every morning of my entire life (perhaps not when I was an infant, but that is pure speculation). It then became clear to me that this is not just a process that occurs upon waking from sleep, but one that is continuous during waking hours.
The ego or thinking mind is a problem solver. As today’s lesson makes clear, however, it is working with bad data and has no idea what is valuable. It uses what has been “learned” in the past to predict the future and its goal is to keep this limited body/mind/personality “safe,” “happy” and “loved.” As a result, it ensures the present and future will be like the past.
Today’s lesson is really about the Self-inquiry, “Who am I?” Today’s lesson recommends that we live from the answer to our Self-inquiry, instead of falling back into ways of being that are intended to protect the body or psyche as who I am. Although some basic planning and taking care of one’s body will occur, living from the answer to our Self-inquiry is living with the attitude of openness, allowance and trust and with the purpose of Self-realization.
Today’s lesson tells us that “self-initiated plans … are the means by which a frightened mind would undertake its own protection, at the cost of truth.” — Practice Self-inquiry. Ask, “Who am I?” and look to discover the truest answer to that question.
As today’s lesson suggests, we then take Self-inquiry one-step further by living from the answer. “Let no defenses but your PRESENT TRUST direct the future, and this life becomes a meaningful encounter with the truth…”
There is a difference between trying to control things and living from present trust. There is a difference in how they feel. This difference in feeling gives us the opportunity to be honest with ourselves, if we pay attention. A question we can ask ourselves is, “Do I think I need some things to go a certain way in order for me to be safe/happy/loved?” If so, you have become attached to the psyche’s idea of itself, and that is a block to truth for you.
The lesson prompts us to practice thusly, “Throughout the day, as foolish little things appear to raise defensiveness in you and tempt you to engage in weaving plans, remind yourself this is a special day for learning”.
Will we accept whatever experiences come in this lifetime, whether they are what we would have preferred or not, and use them to further our awareness of truth?
Instead of living from our beliefs about who we think we are, let’s begin to live from Self-inquiry with self-honestly. Pay attention to yourself. What beliefs about yourself are you living from?
