Actually, I like these words: “Heaven is the decision I make.” In other words, I don’t need to wait for any additional learning to make that decision. I make it now.

There is an idea that there is something we have to learn about truth. There is nothing necessary to learn about truth, although some learning does help us to make the choice for truth. That’s really the only purpose of learning … to bring us to the point where we decide to decide for truth.

There’s an interesting line in today’s Course lesson. It says, “…the choice of Heaven seem[s] to be the same as the relinquishment of hell.” If one looks carefully at that line, you will see that truth is beyond ‘preferred’ and ‘not preferred.’ Truth is something that stands true now, even if your life seems like hell because there is so much ‘not preferred’ happening in it right now.

This is why awareness-watching-awareness is called the direct path. It is a practice that recognizes truth is now, and it chooses to give attention to truth now; attention ignores illusion and goes directly to truth.

A Course in Miracles is not the direct path. It says that itself in today’s lesson. It says, “But knowledge is beyond the goals we seek to teach within the framework of this course. Ours are teaching goals, to be attained through learning how to reach them, what they are, and what they offer you. Decisions are the outcome of your learning, …”

In other words, A Course in Miracles is like preparatory school. It helps prepare you to make the choice for truth. And that is the only purpose of learning, to prepare you. However, it is possible to go directly to being prepared without needing to learn volumes of information first.

I share this, because I hope you will realize there is nothing to learn. You only need to become prepared to make the choice for truth. And you can make that choice now, whether your life has become a ‘good dream’ or remains a ‘bad dream.’ Happy dreams can come before awakening, but one can awaken directly from a bad dream too.

Today’s lesson says, “Heaven is chosen consciously. The choice cannot be made until alternatives are accurately seen and understood. All that is veiled in shadows must be raised to understanding, to be judged again, this time with Heaven’s help.”

That’s the purpose of inquiry, which we will go deeper into over the coming weeks. We question our thinking to see its worthlessness and untruth. As we see that clearly, we are willing to let go of our thinking and choose only truth. After all, “Who can decide between the clearly seen (aka, our thoughts and perceptions) and the unrecognized (truth)? Yet who can fail to make a choice between alternatives when only one (truth) is seen as valuable; the other (thoughts and perceptions) as a wholly worthless thing.”

So let’s let go of the idea that we have to be masters of learning. It’s okay if we don’t learn anything. It’s okay if we can’t remember yesterday’s workbook lesson today.

Focus on the practice. When we focus on the practice to the best of our ability in every moment, we are choosing Heaven.

I have experienced miraculous physical healing. The first time it happened, it was a broken toe. I broke my pinkie toe around 5pm one evening. I was guided to put a tight sock on the foot and to ice it, but not to go to the doctor. The next morning the entire top half of my foot was black and blue and in a lot of pain. I could not touch the foot to the floor at all, so I walked on my heel. I was again guided to wear a tight sock, ice the toe, and not go to the doctor.

About 5pm that evening, 24 hours after the toe was broken, I received guidance to be healed. I sat on the sofa. I began to feel a flow of love. The love came in through the top of my head and traveled through my body to my toe. After a few minutes it stopped.

I stood up. I could stand on the foot with no pain. I jumped on the foot. No pain. It was definitely healed in only a few minutes.

I’ve always felt the reason I lived with the broken toe for 24 hours is so I was sure it was broken. If it had been healed too quickly, my mind would have discounted the healing by saying, “It must not have been as bad as I thought it was.” But since I lived with it for 24 hours, I know how bad it was, and I cannot discount the miracle that occurred in that few minutes.

Today’s lesson says, “Healing is freedom. For it demonstrates that dreams will not prevail against the truth.” That was an important lesson for me. I did not fully believe in the truth. Although I pursued the truth, I believed the world was real. That belief was seriously shaken by the experience of the toe.

I have never felt the healing itself was particularly important. I have always felt that the lesson that came from the healing is what was important.

Today’s lesson refers to healing as a “counter-dream.” I think it is important to realize that both sickness and health are illusions. Some people make the mistake of putting health above sickness spiritually. They feel sickness is a sign of spiritual weakness or failure, and health is the badge of spiritual success. That is not at all true. There are some very healthy people who have not even started to move towards spiritual awakening, and there are enlightened people who have had sick bodies.

Sickness does not indicate that you are spiritually weak or failing. If you are one who feels burdened by this idea, please realize that it is an untrue thought.

Also, the spiritual path isn’t about replacing bad dreams with good dreams. It is about awakening from dreams entirely.

With that said, we will each learn lessons as we awaken, and for some of us, physical healing will be a part of that experience. As today’s lesson says, “Yet think not healing is unworthy of your function here. For anti-Christ becomes more powerful than Christ to those who dream the world is real.”

This is my humble advice regarding physical healing:

~ Remember that physical healing is not the goal. It may occur along the way if it is helpful to you, but the goal is spiritual awakening.

~ Watch the mind for ideas that may create sickness or block the opportunity for healing. There are many types of ideas that fall into that category including ‘miraculous healing isn’t possible,’ ‘I am not worthy of miraculous healing,’ and ‘I am guilty,’ especially if one sees a relationship between one’s guilt and the sickness. Also, most people get a subtle pleasure from sickness. It is a pleasure that is often fleeting and can easily be denied, especially as one tires of the suffering, but if one looks you can find it. You may like the break from work. You may like the special attention from others. Sickness can even make us feel special. Etc.

~ Notice that awareness is constant and unchanging. Awareness is the same in health and sickness. Pay close attention to notice that awareness is more intimately you than the body. Notice that the body has no affect on you whatsoever.

~ Let go of all ‘rules’ and ‘judgments’ about sickness and health. The path of awakening happens differently for different people. Some awaken through allowing sickness and noticing they aren’t the body. Some receive a boost in faith through miraculous healing. There is no rule about how this has to look.

~ Remember that what is most important is what is always most important: Inquire into false beliefs; let go of ego thinking; practice awareness-watching-awareness; be tuned in for your personal intuitive guidance and follow it.

The spiritual path requires more honesty than the mind is capable of. That means that in order to know what is best for you on this path, you have to let go of your individual thinking.

I want to simplify this lesson so it is most helpful. Instead of focusing on sickness, I want to focus on defenses against truth.

We all have our ways of defending against the truth and then denying that we are the one who set up those defenses. Sickness has never been a big defense for me, although I can see that it is for some people. I have used ‘responsibility’ and ‘busyness’ much more than I have used sickness to defend against truth.

Let’s look at what this lesson has to say about the defenses we set up against truth:

~ “Defenses are not unintentional nor are they made without awareness.” — In other words, there is a conscious decision in favor of the defense. If my defense is sickness, there could be a tickle in the throat and then an immediate, even somewhat pleasurable, acceptance of, “I’m getting sick,” before I move into suffering. If my defense is busyness, there could be the joy of complaining about how busy I am to others. Or it might show up as using time on unimportant things first, until once again I create that sense of being too busy. Etc.

~ “They seem to be unconscious but because of the rapidity with which you choose. … It is this quick forgetting of the part you play in making your ‘reality’ that makes defenses seem to be beyond your own control.” — Whatever our defenses are, we create situations that keep us from seeking truth with our whole heart, whole mind and whole soul. Most people, wanting to believe their defenses are genuine, deny that they choose them. However if we watch ourselves carefully, we will find ourselves making the choices that create defense situations. It can be seen, if we want to see it. (Remember not to judge yourself for what you find when you watch to discover your own defenses, but it is helpful to see how you block your own awakening so you can start to make different decisions when a similar choice-opportunity comes around again.)

~ “Yet who believes illusions but the one who made them up? Who else can see them and react to them as if they were the truth?” — And this is what we do. Whether our defense is sickness, family responsibility, busyness or something else, we decide to let it get in the way of seeking truth, and then we believe the situation is a genuine block that renders us helpless, because that is what we want to believe about it.

~ “[Truth] does not command obedience … Truth merely wants to give you happiness, for such its purpose is.” — We have the power to delay our own awakening for as long as we want. Truth will not force itself on us. We are the ones who need to ask ourselves, “What do I really want?” If we decide that we are interested in truth realization, then it is helpful to find how we defend against it.

Hint: If you want to find how you defend against truth, start listening to yourself. What do you complain about? Your defense hides there.

Also, how do you finish this sentence?: “I’m not able to do the Gentle Healing homework (or not able to journal, or contemplate, or meditate, etc) because …”

Your defense shows up at the end of that sentence.

Now remember, you might not at first believe that is your defense. It may seem like a genuine situation that is out of your control, but this lesson teaches us that we set up our defenses to look that way.

Since memory can be faulty, I don’t recommend looking into the past to see if you set up this defense. If the defense is still an obstacle for you, it is because you continue to set it up as an obstacle now. Watch yourself going forward. Watch yourself for those quick decisions that you make that keep this defense in place so you can continue to avoid awakening.

Let’s bring awareness to the tricks that we play on ourselves. Let’s do this together, in love, as mighty companions joined in purpose.

Today’s lesson is about Self-inquiry, ‘Who am I?’ And then it is about taking Self-inquiry one-step further by living from the answer.

Today’s lesson tells us that we use many forms of defense to try to protect who we think we are, and in so doing we hide the truth about ourselves from ourselves. We try to protect the body, because we think we are the body. We try to protect the psyche, because we think we are the psyche. Yet we are neither.

One form of defense that today’s lesson talks about is health. All of us take some steps each day to protect the health of the body, such as eating food, drinking water, possibly taking vitamins, etc. Is this wrong? I think not. We also take care of our homes, our yards, our automobiles, etc. Basic actions that come naturally are not the problem. Obsessive thinking about health & attempts to CONTROL health are the problems.

A question we can ask ourselves is, “Do I think excessively about the health (or safety or appearance) of the body?” If so, attachment to the body is a block to truth for you.

Today’s lesson tells us that the body “need merely be perceived as quite apart from you.” — Practice Self-inquiry. Ask, “Who am I?” and look to discover the truest answer to that question. “This is the body’s only real defense. Yet is this where you look for its defense?”

Another form of defense that today’s lesson talks about is planning. We may plan for the protection of the body or we may plan for the protection of the psyche. Either way, the “mind engaged in planning for itself is occupied in setting up CONTROL of future happenings.”

Does this mean it is wrong to plan a lunch date with a friend or plan to go to a retreat or on vacation? I think not. This is not referring to practical planning that is naturally a part of a human life. Obsessive thinking about the future and attempts to CONTROL future outcomes are the problem.

A question we can ask ourselves is, “Do I think I need some things to go a certain way in order for me to be safe/happy?” If so, you have become attached to the psyche’s idea of itself, and that is a block to truth for you.

Today’s lesson tells us that “self-initiated plans … are the means by which a frightened mind would undertake its own protection, at the cost of truth.” — Practice Self-inquiry. Ask, “Who am I?” and look to discover the truest answer to that question.

Today’s lesson recommends that we live from the answer to our Self-inquiry. Instead of falling back into ways of being that are intended to protect the body or psyche as who I am, the lesson suggests, “Let no defenses but your PRESENT TRUST direct the future, and this life becomes a meaningful encounter with the truth…”

There is a difference between trying to control things and living from present trust. There is a difference in how they feel. This difference in feeling gives us the opportunity to be honest with ourselves, if we pay attention.

Will we accept whatever experiences come in this lifetime, whether they are what we would have preferred or not, and use them to further our awareness of truth?

Whether I am sick or healthy, I can ask, “Who am I?” and see the answer. Whether I am rich or poor, I can ask, “Who am I?” and see the answer. Whether I live in one place or another, am married or single, have this or that, I can ask, “Who am I?” and see the answer.

What if we live our lives in this way?: Although some basic planning and taking care of one’s body will occur, the attitude is one of openness, allowance and trust with only the purpose of truth realization. For example, what if I plan for a vacation, pay for a vacation and then something occurs. I cannot go and I lose the money paid. Can I live with that as happily as I would have lived with the vacation? After all, going or not going can both be a distraction from Self-inquiry, and Self-inquiry can occur whether I go or don’t go, so has anything really changed at all?

Instead of living from our beliefs about who we think we are, let’s begin to live from Self-inquiry with self-honestly.

Pay attention to yourself. What beliefs about yourself are you living from?

Forgiveness is letting go of the mind. Or said another way, it is letting go of believing the chatter in one’s mind.

With that said, there are some helpful pointers in today’s lesson.

1. “Because you think your sins are real, you look on pardon as deception.” – I would word that this way: Because you think your thoughts are true, you think letting go of them is foolish.

It doesn’t matter if the chatter that plagues you now is fear about the future, a grievance against another person, a judgment against yourself or something else. The reason it is not let go and forgotten is because you think it is true. You think your mind is right.

Why do you think your mind is right? When there are so many people on the planet who would have a different perspective than you, what makes you so sure that your mind is right?

As one’s mind rises up to comprehend truth, one is happy. When one’s thinking is in harmony with truth, one is happy. If one is not happy, the current thinking IS NOT TRUE. You really do not need any other measure. If you are happy and at peace, fine; let your thoughts be. But if you are not, trust that your thoughts are wrong, and let them go. That is forgiveness.

2. “Forgiveness is the only thing that stands for truth in the illusions of the world. It sees their nothingness … and merely says to them, ‘… what you think is not truth.'” – Whenever you are not happy, this is what you need to say to yourself: What you think is not truth.

When a situation is upsetting you, don’t try to figure it out. When peace comes, you will know what to do. Instead, realize your thinking is not true. (You know that, because you are upset.) And let your thinking go. The sooner you let it go, the better. You do not have to go deeper into suffering before you decide to let go of thinking that is causing fear or unhappiness.

3. “The strength of pardon is honesty, … it sees illusions as illusions, not truth.” – In this context we need to see ‘pardon’ as ‘letting go.’ Letting go is ceasing to put attention on it.

It was helpful for me to see that I was being honest when I chose to let go of mental chatter. It was also helpful for me to realize I was willingly deceiving myself whenever I kept my attention with mental chatter. I knew I did not want to deceive myself, so this helped me to let it go.

4. “[Forgiveness] opens up the way to truth.” – It was also helpful to realize that if I chose to believe my mind’s chatter, I was blocking truth. If I want truth realization, I must free up space within the mind by letting go of the mental chatter that crowds it.

5. “do not allow your mind to dwell” – Today’s lesson is speaking in specifics when it says this, but I feel this is good to remember as a generalization. Do not allow your mind to dwell on any thought. If dwelling is happening, distortion and deception are happening. Dwelling, distortion and deception go hand-in-hand.

6. “Forgiveness must be practiced.” – In the movie, “Peaceful Warrior,” Socrates said there is a difference between knowledge and wisdom. “Wisdom,” he said, “is doing it.” In other words, to know about forgiveness, but not to practice it, is not wisdom. Wisdom is practicing it. In fact, wisdom is practicing it, not occasionally, but with every opportunity that is given. Each time you notice your mind dwells with a line of thinking that is not creating joy in you, be honest with yourself. The current thinking is not truth. And for that reason, let it go

Today’s lesson begins by telling us we will take a break from the theoretical and come back now to practical concerns. If we will see today’s lesson as practical and not theoretical, we will shed the ego thought system.

Let me start by saying that the ego is inherently selfish.The ego always thinks of ‘me’ and ‘mine.’ It has no other point of view. Spirit, on the other hand, thinks only of purpose and wholeness. It has a broad perspective, and ‘me’ is completely unimportant. That doesn’t mean that the individual is sacrificed. The individual is loved as part of the whole, which is completely different than the selfishness of the ego.

I will also say that one of the most challenging things to teach is dropping selfishness. The ego is extremely protective of it. Yet, if you are to know the heart of truth, selfishness must be let go.

Today’s workbook lesson is excellent in its practicality, if you will use it that way. I did. The effect for me was that I saw my own selfishness in a way I had not seen it before, and this generated a change in me from a selfish perspective to a perspective of service.

When I first used this was during that period of time when Ron and I had agreed to marry, and then I began to sense that he was going to back out. I told that story in last Sunday’s service. (I will provide the link to the audio in the comments section below.)

At first my response to realizing he would back out was a lot of ego chatter. That chatter was focused on ideas about how I could still get what I wanted. It looked at the situation from many different angles, like it was working on a puzzle, and it tried to figure out the exact strategy that would get what I wanted. And yet, somehow I was blind to the selfishness in that until I tested what I wanted against the criteria in today’s workbook lesson. The test looked something like this:

1. I want to convince Ron to marry me. I remember there are only two alternatives, and in every choice I make I choose either ego or heaven. I accept that as true. I also accept there is no compromise, no ‘in-between’ option. This wanting is either ego or heaven, and I am here to discover which it is. If I convince Ron to marry me, will that marriage last forever? No. At best, “death do us part.” It could end in divorce before that. If I convince Ron to marry me, am I taking something from someone else? Cleary the answer is ‘yes.’ If he does not want to marry me, and I somehow convince him to marry me, I am taking his freedom to follow his own will from him. Is it possible that if I convince Ron to marry me, I will later feel guilty? Yes, I can see how that might occur. Therefore, my desire to convince Ron to marry me is ego and must be let go.

2. What if I do nothing? What if I simply let this unfold without grievance and let everything be? Will that last forever? Yes! I see how simply letting everything unfold and be as it is, is a non-ending state of being. If I make this choice, am I taking something from someone else? No, not at all ever. Will I feel guilty for this choice? No, it seems that I would only feel curious. And if I am completely genuine in letting everything unfold without putting my desires upon it, I would be happy.

And so, I made the second choice. That is how this lesson works in a practical way. Also, from looking at this and other choices this clearly, I could instantly see what was selfish and what was not. I learned to drop the selfishness, and live in a state of service, which is ‘letting it all unfold and be as it is’ while intuiting my little part in it, but never seeking for what ‘I can get out of it.’ Except for awakening, of course.

Link to last Sunday’s Weekly Gathering, as mentioned above: 

Today’s lesson is an interesting lesson. Is it implying that you should be able to heal the sick and raise the dead? Does it mean you can end wars by changing your mind? Or is the main point that there is no world at all?

I have seen many Course students give their point of view in answer to those questions over the years, but I don’t think we should get lost in those thoughts or those discussions. I feel this is the main point of the lesson and where we should focus our attention today:

Today’s lesson is good news. It’s just as Jesus said, “Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7)

It is popular today to say that seeking is the problem; one is already awake & needs only to let go of seeking. To me, that is kind of like saying, “You know the door opens, so why knock?”

Today we go even deeper into ‘Choice A’ and ‘Choice B,’ which were introduced in yesterday’s tip. Today we are told that we see a world of differences, which is not there, because we want to see it; we value it.

This is where A Course in Miracles and other truth teachings can become a little difficult to accept. You may feel resistance to this message. However, let’s put any resistance we may feel aside and look at today’s lesson and ourselves objectively (without judgment).

We are told that we see this world because we value it. Is that true? There is a way you can find out. How much of your time is spent thinking about you and the world from your point-of-view? And how much of your time is spent in awareness-watching-awareness, turning attention away from the world and away from thought, and turning attention towards the Self?

If we look honestly at how we spend our time, we can see which we value more.

In “The Most Direct Means to Eternal Bliss,” Chapter 5, Michael Langford writes, “How will you know that you have made Choice A? When you drop all unnecessary activities everyday, and use all of the free time thus created to actually practice everyday the most rapid and direct means to eternal bliss, you will know you have made Choice A.”

Let’s look at the story of Nisargadatta Maharaj. He said:

“My Guru told me, ‘Go back to that state of pure being, where the ‘I am’ is still in its purity before it got contaminated with ‘this I am’ or ‘that I am’. Your burden is of false self-identifications — abandon them all.’ My Guru told me — ‘Trust me. I tell you; you are divine. Take it as the absolute truth. Your joy is divine; Your suffering is divine too. All comes from God. Remember it always. You are God, your will alone is done’. I did believe him and soon realised how wonderfully true and accurate were his words. I did not condition my mind by thinking: ‘I am God, I am wonderful, I am beyond’. I simply followed his instruction which was to focus the mind on pure being ‘I am’, and stay in it. I used to sit for hours together, with, nothing but the ‘I am’ in my mind and soon peace and joy and a deep all-embracing love became my normal state. In it all disappeared — myself, my Guru, the life I lived, the world around me. Only peace remained and unfathomable silence.”

That is the story of how the world of differences disappeared and another, the divine Self, came into view. Nisargadatta valued truth enough to sit for hours each day with attention turned away from the world and towards the Self, until the former disappeared, and the latter shined forth as the only reality.

We contemplate this today: What do I want?

This is the “Consistent, Gentle Healing Group,” and so we are increasing our time spent in awareness-watching-awareness meditation gradually. Are we now spending at least 15-20 minutes a day in awareness-watching-awareness as we are asked? Are we doing the other homework assignments, which are intended to help increase our desire for truth?

Spend today in contemplation of ‘Choice A’ and ‘Choice B,’ and ask yourself if you value ‘Choice A’ enough to spend time each day consciously making that choice

Anyone who is familiar with Michael Langford’s work may have noticed “Choice A” and “Choice B” in today’s workbook lesson. These choices are laid out in Chapter 5 of ‘The Most Direct Means to Eternal Bliss.’ Here are some excerpts:

“The primary means to awaken the extremely intense desire for liberation is to carefully examine two choices everyday until the extremely intense desire for liberation awakens. …

“Choice A is Infinite-Eternal-Awareness-Love-Bliss with no sorrow and no suffering. Choice A is Eternal Life. Choice A is to live as your true Self for all eternity. Choice A is absolutely perfect joy.

“Choice B is being identified with a body subject to suffering, sorrow, disease, death, violence, fear, anger, etc. Choice B is to allow an imposter called the ego to pretend to be yourself and to control you. Choice B is to allow an imposter called the ego, that has created all the wars, diseases, death, sorrow, suffering and evil that every human has ever experienced, to continue. Choice B is to have a temporary and therefore futile life that leads only to death.”

Today’s Course lesson asks us to look at these same choices. It says:

“Our emphasis is not on giving up the world but on exchanging it for what is far more satisfying, filled with joy, and capable of offering you peace. …

“The world you see is merciless indeed, unstable, cruel, unconcerned with you, quick to avenge and pitiless with hate. It gives but to rescind, and takes away all things that you have cherished for a while. …

“Is it loss to find all things you really want, and know they have no ending and they will remain exactly as you want them throughout time? Yet even they will be exchanged at last for what we cannot speak of, for you go from there to where words fail entirely, into silence where the language is unspoken and yet surely understood. …

“Such is the choice.”

This is what we are asked to look at today, Choice A and Choice B. It is helpful to consider these two choices honestly and deeply.

For me it came down to this: Even if this life is absolutely perfect by giving me everything I want, it will still end with death. When I looked directly at the fact that everything I enjoy is temporary and must end, I became ready to reach for what Jesus called ‘eternal life.’

Here are some more quotes from Chapter 5 of ‘The Most Direct Means to Eternal Bliss’:

“The ego is the source of all evil. The ego is insane. This is true for all humans. To produce so many trillions of horrors, the ego has to be evil and insane.

“Something in you longs for an end to the imposter’s dream. Something in you longs for infinite Love. Something in you longs for the end of all suffering and sorrow. Something in you longs for eternal-joy-love.

“It is possible to end the ego’s dream and to discover the true Self which is free of all suffering and sorrow and whose nature is infinite-eternal-love-joy. It is possible now in this lifetime, while this body is living.

“Co-operate with your Heart. Stop listening to your ego.

“If you turn your attention away from thought and towards awareness watching awareness and sustain that look for many hours everyday, eventually the ego dream will end and the true Self will be known.”

Today’s Course lesson asks us to practice awareness watching awareness for 30-minutes broken up into three 10-minute segments. I ask that you extend at least one of those segments into a 15-minute segment.

We have found the pathway home. Now, let’s walk it.