LESSON 135. If I defend myself I am attacked.

Today’s lesson contrasts the ego’s plan for salvation (self preservation) with God’s plan for salvation (Self-realization). Ego, or the thinking mind, believes “that it must plan, although it cannot know the outcome which is best, the means by which it is achieved, nor how to recognize the problem that the plan is made to solve.”

Let’s really look at that for a moment. Isn’t this the human condition—trying to solve a problem that can never be solved?

Six months ago, I had an experience of the thinking mind as other than me. I woke up one morning and watched it scan my body, my environment, the immediate past and the day ahead. I could see that it was scanning for any danger/problems, so it could plan what needed to be done. Witnessing this scanning process was pure Grace. It was clear to me that this process had occurred every morning of my entire life (perhaps not when I was an infant, but that is pure speculation). It then became clear to me that this is not just a process that occurs upon waking from sleep, but one that is continuous during waking hours.

The ego or thinking mind is a problem solver. As today’s lesson makes clear, however, it is working with bad data and has no idea what is valuable. It uses what has been “learned” in the past to predict the future and its goal is to keep this limited body/mind/personality “safe,” “happy” and “loved.” As a result, it ensures the present and future will be like the past.

Today’s lesson is really about the Self-inquiry, “Who am I?” Today’s lesson recommends that we live from the answer to our Self-inquiry, instead of falling back into ways of being that are intended to protect the body or psyche as who I am. Although some basic planning and taking care of one’s body will occur, living from the answer to our Self-inquiry is living with the attitude of openness, allowance and trust and with the purpose of Self-realization.

Today’s lesson tells us that “self-initiated plans … are the means by which a frightened mind would undertake its own protection, at the cost of truth.” — Practice Self-inquiry. Ask, “Who am I?” and look to discover the truest answer to that question.

As today’s lesson suggests, we then take Self-inquiry one-step further by living from the answer. “Let no defenses but your PRESENT TRUST direct the future, and this life becomes a meaningful encounter with the truth…”

There is a difference between trying to control things and living from present trust. There is a difference in how they feel. This difference in feeling gives us the opportunity to be honest with ourselves, if we pay attention. A question we can ask ourselves is, “Do I think I need some things to go a certain way in order for me to be safe/happy/loved?” If so, you have become attached to the psyche’s idea of itself, and that is a block to truth for you.

The lesson prompts us to practice thusly, “Throughout the day, as foolish little things appear to raise defensiveness in you and tempt you to engage in weaving plans, remind yourself this is a special day for learning”.

Will we accept whatever experiences come in this lifetime, whether they are what we would have preferred or not, and use them to further our awareness of truth?

Instead of living from our beliefs about who we think we are, let’s begin to live from Self-inquiry with self-honestly. Pay attention to yourself. What beliefs about yourself are you living from?

Lesson 134. Let me perceive forgiveness as it is.

If sin is real then there is no reason ever to forgive. This statement might also be said like this: If our thoughts about the world are true then there is no reason ever to forgive.

So how to do we know what is true? As ones mind rises up to contemplate the truth, one is happy. When ones thinking is in harmony with truth, one is happy. If one is not happy the current thinking is not true. You don’t need any other measure. If you are happy and at peace (experiencing truth), let your thoughts be. If you are not happy, trust your thoughts are wrong and let them go. That is forgiveness.

Happiness is found in the mind that has let false thoughts go. The mind wants to see the cause of unhappy thoughts not in the mind, but in the world. Michael Singer says in Chapter 2 in The Untethered Soul, “There is a part of your being that can actually abstract from your own melodrama. You can watch yourself be jealous or angry. You don’t have to think about it or analyze it; you can just be aware of it.” If the mind is unhappy let unhappiness be the barometer to remind you that you have misidentified yourself. Realize you have the power to release the misidentifying thoughts and simply see them as unreal and untrue.

The release of the untrue thoughts (forgiveness) opens up the way to truth. Michael Singer, in the same Chapter says, “The act of maintaining objective awareness…is always better than losing yourself in the outer situation. Stand firm in the seat of the witness and release the hold that the habitual mind has on you. [N]obody has ever truly become okay [happy] by changing things outside. There’s always the next problem. The only real solution is to take the seat of witness consciousness [Awareness] and completely change your frame of reference.”

LESSON 133. I will not value what is valueless.

Today’s lesson begins with the idea that, today, we will be focused on practical application. In the Gentle Healing Curriculum, we have attempted to bring such practicality to our practice of all the ACIM workbook lessons. As we read last week in Hebrews, it is in the practice of what we have learned that spiritual maturity is gained.

We will focus today on the inherent selfishness of the ego. The ego always thinks of ‘me’ and ‘mine.’ Spirit, on the other hand, thinks only of purpose and wholeness. It has a broad perspective, and ‘me’ is completely unimportant.

Dropping selfishness is challenging. The ego is extremely protective of it. Yet, if you are to know the heart of truth, selfishness must be let go. This lesson, used practically, helps us to let go of that selfishness.

You must have noticed that when the thinking mind chatters, it chatters about “me.” When meaning is assigned it is related to how this person or event affects “me.” What is valued, is valued, because it in someway relates to “me.”

These “me” thoughts actually serve to narrow our vision. These “me” thoughts are inherently thoughts of separation. They are the thoughts that divide “me” from you and that create conflict (let “me” get mine before you get yours). Because these “me” thoughts are grounded in the idea of separation (or duality), they are necessarily thoughts of lack and limitation. If there is a finite amount of anything, I will lose it if given away. In this set up, if you gain, I must lose—unless you are someone with whom I am in special relationship (a spouse, a child, etc.). Then I may perceive your gain as an extension of my own.

Let us note that you will find these thoughts in the mind, and, you will find that it is these “me” thoughts, or selfish thoughts that, by default, direct your decision making and actions.

We practice letting go of selfish motivation as part of the process of letting go of the belief in the ego self (“me”) as who we are. We begin first by looking to see where I am trying to find the benefit to me in each situation and to manipulate the situation so that, that benefit is gained.

Today’s lesson tells us, “Each choice you make brings everything to you or nothing. Therefore, if you learn the tests by which you can distinguish everything from nothing, you will make the better choice.” So let’s look at the practical “tests” given in this lesson:

• “if you choose a thing that will not last forever, what you chose is valueless.”
• “if you choose to take a thing away from someone else, you will have nothing left.”
• “If you feel any guilt about your choice, you have allowed the ego’s goals to come between the real alternatives (the valuable and the valueless).”

It is important to see your choice in any situation as one between ego or heaven and then make that choice using the above criteria.

Lesson 132. I loose the world from all I thought it was.

“A madman thinks the world he sees is real and does not doubt it. Nor can he be swayed by questioning his thoughts’ effects. It is but when their source is raised to question that the hope of freedom comes to him at last.”

When I read this part of today’s lesson, I pictured a man, looking a little peculiar, standing off by himself in a corner of a big room that was painted stark white. He has an odd look on his face. He is twisting his hands and there is a look in his eyes that says he is not really participating in the world. He is living in his own world and he seems upset by what he sees happening.

When I contemplate this picture I realize that it may have some validity. It occurs to me that I am, along with my brothers the dreamer of the dream. I am trapped in my own insane and upsetting world. The deceived mind thinks it is a person in an objective world, but we know the deceived mind is the cause of the dream world.

More importantly we have begun our steps out of the insanity of the world and back into reality as we are learning to question the source of our thoughts. Is this thought another egoic thought? Does it chatter obsessively like a madman? Am I listening to my own madman carrying on in my head? Or am I the one who notices the inner disturbances and realizes its unreality. Can I begin to see the false as only concepts (the code), something to be forgiven.

As I begin to loosen my mind, I am realizing what my investment in the world has been costing me. I can overlook appearances. I choose to give up insane thoughts about who I am, who my brother is and watch these thoughts without believing them or believing what is on the screen of the world.

As I practice Awareness watching Awareness, practice being present, practice being the witness there is a gradual loosening of these beliefs that have chained me to the insanity of my former beliefs. As I practice my spiritual aspiration and keep it in the forefront of my mind there is a change that takes place.

Lesson 129 spoke to this point, “Your whole perspective on the world will shift by just a little every time you let your mind escape its chains.” And today’s lesson says …”so it is your thoughts which made it [the world] and must set it free, that you may know the Thoughts you share with God [truth].”

LESSON 131. No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth.

This lesson makes a very simple statement. We might see that statement as a promise, but that would discount the foundation upon which the statement rests. No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth, because the truth is what we are. This is not a mere promise, this is a fact.

It is within our power to realize truth because it is only by our own decision that we hide the truth of ourselves from ourselves. We began the Gentle Healing Year 1 program by discussing how we can rewire our brains by becoming conscious casters of attention. This was no idle promise either. Any of you who have practiced removing believing attention from negative, hateful, attacking thoughts (and, frankly, I know you all have been practicing this), know the power of your own decision.

The truth is there to be found within us, beyond the chatter of the thinking mind that would maintain the belief that we are individuals, separate from one another and separate from our source. Through our conscious casting of attention, through awareness watching awareness, and through our other practices, we have had a taste of truth. What remains except the commitment to practice, to seek the truth of our being, every time we are given the opportunity?

Today’s lesson asks us to close our eyes for a moment and consider the insanity of the world.

“For several minutes watch your mind and see, although your eyes are closed, the senseless world you think is real. Review the thoughts as well which are compatible with such a world, and which you think are true. Then let them go, and sink below them to the holy place where they can enter not.”

If you have not yet done so, take a moment to really practice this part of the lesson—do what it asks. Don’t just read the passage and agree with it. What insanity do you see playing out in your life? What insanity do you see playing out in the world. Can you look at that insanity and see that it is the result of our collective and continued adherence to the belief that we are separate beings with separate interests in competition for limited resources and rewards?

The truth is, we do have another choice. As NTI Hebrews tells us, we are the leaders in our own awakening. This is no inconsequential statement. What this means is that if you wish to transcend the insanity of the thinking mind, you cannot wait for better circumstances to appear, you cannot wait for a great teacher to transmit to you the secret knowledge of the cosmos. No one is coming in to save you.

Your sincere practice and desire to awaken are the ingredients needed for your great awakening. You already are that which you seek. How could your desire to learn that truth be withheld from you?

As Nisargadatta Maharaj said of awakening to the truth, “We discover it by being earnest, by searching, inquiring, questioning daily and hourly, by giving one’s life to this discovery.” This discovery is within our reach. No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth.

Lesson 130. It is impossible to see two worlds.

In our last Gentle Healing class, several participants demonstrated the point being made in today’s lesson. Rhoda was one of these participants. She shared that she was suffering in an experience she was having in the world, but her suffering experience of the world was replaced when she made a conscious decision to suspend the thoughts she was having. Those thoughts, only moments previous, were judged as valuable. When she released those thoughts and instead allowed Awareness to be present, immediately her world changed. I am doing a lot of paraphrasing here but when the thoughts were recognized as worthless and released, they were gone. There was an instant wash followed by an experience of release and relief. One world disappeared and was replaced by another. It is a story of how the world of differences disappeared and another, the Divine Self, came into view.

ACIM, Chapter 12, the section titled, Attainment of the Real World describes this experience like this; “In perfect sanity he looks on love, for it is all about him and within him. He must deny the world of pain the instant he perceives the arms of love around him. And from this point of safety he looks quietly about him, and recognizes that the world is one with him.”

This section continues as it describes the disappearance of one world and its replacement, “You will first dream of peace, and then awaken to it. Your first exchange of what you made for what you want is the exchange of nightmares for the happy dreams of love. In these lie your true perceptions, for the Holy Spirit [right mindedness] corrects the world of dreams where all perception is…Yet the dreams of love lead unto knowledge [Awareness].”

Today’s lesson is an obvious extension of yesterday’s lesson titled, “Beyond this world is a world I want.” That lesson said, “Our emphasis is not on giving up the world, but on exchanging it for what is far more satisfying, filled with joy, and capable of offering you peace. Today’s lesson says, “What we would learn today is more than just the lesson that you cannot see two worlds. It also teaches that the one [world] you see is quite consistent from the point of view from which you see it. It is all a piece because it stems from one emotion, and reflects its source in everything you see.”

In Michael Langford’s book titled The Direct Means To Eternal Bliss, he says “After the extremely intense desire for Freedom is awakened, every moment of one’s life is dedicated to awakening from the human dream.” He calls this Choice A. He continues, “When the extremely intense desire for Freedom is awakened, all of the ego’s lies, tricks, deceptions and games are seen for what they are and all of the ego’s lies, tricks, deceptions and games eventually end. When the extremely intense desire for Freedom is awakened, the nightmare the ego has created is no longer tolerated.” Michael Langford calls the ego imposter Choice B.

Michael Langford is again making the point that it is impossible to see two worlds when he admonishes us to choose Choice A over Choice B. “Choice A is Eternal Life. Choice A is to live as your true Self forever. Choice A is absolutely perfect joy. Choice B is being identified with a body subject to suffering, disease, death, violence, anger, fear, etc. Choice B is to allow an imposter called the ego to pretend to be yourself and control you.” Today’s lesson encourages a deeper contemplation of Choice A and Choice B. And we shall realize we have made the choice for Choice A when we are deeply committed to spiritual practice.

Lesson 129, Beyond this world there is a world I want.

Last night we read from NTI Hebrews, Chapter 4:

“The peace of God is within. The peace of God is eternal, and it is never lost. The peace of God is realized and accepted based upon the power of your own decision. It is up to you. You may choose the peace of God, and you may choose turmoil. You make your choice based upon the desire that seems dearest to you.”

Anyone who is familiar with Michael Langford’s work may have noticed “Choice A” and “Choice B” in NTI Hebrews 4 and in today’s workbook lesson. These choices are laid out in Chapter 5 of ‘The Most Direct Means to Eternal Bliss.’ Here are some excerpts:

“The primary means to awaken the extremely intense desire for liberation is to carefully examine two choices everyday until the extremely intense desire for liberation awakens. …

“Choice A is Infinite-Eternal-Awareness-Love-Bliss with no sorrow and no suffering. Choice A is Eternal Life. Choice A is to live as your true Self for all eternity. Choice A is absolutely perfect joy.

“Choice B is being identified with a body subject to suffering, sorrow, disease, death, violence, fear, anger, etc. Choice B is to allow an imposter called the ego to pretend to be yourself and to control you. Choice B is to allow an imposter called the ego, that has created all the wars, diseases, death, sorrow, suffering and evil that every human has ever experienced, to continue. Choice B is to have a temporary and therefore futile life that leads only to death.”

Today’s Course lesson asks us to look at these same choices. It says:

“Our emphasis is not on giving up the world but on exchanging it for what is far more satisfying, filled with joy, and capable of offering you peace. …”

“The world you see is merciless indeed, unstable, cruel, unconcerned with you, quick to avenge and pitiless with hate. It gives but to rescind, and takes away all things that you have cherished for a while. …”

“Is it loss to find all things you really want, and know they have no ending and they will remain exactly as you want them throughout time? Yet even they will be exchanged at last for what we cannot speak of, for you go from there to where words fail entirely, into silence where the language is unspoken and yet surely understood. …”

“Such is the choice.”

This is what we are asked to look at today, Choice A and Choice B. It is helpful to consider these two choices honestly and deeply.

Here are some more quotes from Chapter 5 of ‘The Most Direct Means to Eternal Bliss’:

“The ego is the source of all evil. The ego is insane. This is true for all humans. To produce so many trillions of horrors, the ego has to be evil and insane.”

“Something in you longs for an end to the imposter’s dream. Something in you longs for infinite Love. Something in you longs for the end of all suffering and sorrow. Something in you longs for eternal-joy-love.”

“It is possible to end the ego’s dream and to discover the true Self which is free of all suffering and sorrow and whose nature is infinite-eternal-love-joy. It is possible now in this lifetime, while this body is living”

“Co-operate with your Heart. Stop listening to your ego.”

“If you turn your attention away from thought and towards awareness watching awareness and sustain that look for many hours everyday, eventually the ego dream will end and the true Self will be known.”

Today’s Course lesson asks us to practice awareness watching awareness for 30-minutes broken up into three 10-minute segments. I ask that you extend at least one of those segments into a 15-minute segment.

We have found the pathway home. Now, let’s walk it.

Lesson 128. The world I see has nothing I want.

The ego, in its desire to keep you trapped within the world of illusion and within its spell, must give you some of what you seem to desire otherwise you would give up these false desires and come to know the true desire and the glory of your being.

While the ego or the thinking mind sees the necessity of allowing some enjoyment in the world, the seeking for it will ultimately end in suffering and death.  NTI 2 Corinthians 5 v 11-15 says, “When your thoughts are with the world, you request an experience other than God.  This, then, is the experience you are given.  When you let go of the world, you experience truth.”

We want the truly valuable.  We want the truth and we want to awaken.  NTI Matthew 22 v 22-33 tells us, “realize that the world and all you thought there, was never true and so it mattered not.  I tell you, the truth is always true, and there is no truth in the world.  Do not let your worldly concerns distract you long.  Lay them aside that you may continue your journey and awaken to that which calls you.”

But haven’t we been receiving guidance about how to accept happiness?  NTI Revelation 1 v 9-11 says, “Guidance comes to you for one purpose and that is to lead you from the world.  There may also seem to be another purpose, which is happiness within the world.  The two purposes are not the same.  One purpose leads to death, while the other, must surely, lead to Life and knowledge of Life.”

Okay, so our happiness comes with our awakening.  How might I practice releasing the false desire and come to know my True desire?  NTI Hebrews 7 v 11-17 paints that picture for us, “Can you imagine letting go completely that which you seem to value?  Can you imagine closing your eyes and letting it fade completely away?  If you can imagine letting it go, feeling peace and no loss in the imagining, you are preparing to wake up from dreams.  Can you let go of this person, this experience, or this way of being?  Can you let go, that you may be only that which is truth?  When you say ‘yes’ you shall be ready to awaken.  Until then, practice awakening when you can.”

Today’s lesson guides us to another practice that should prove valuable when it instructs us to “Give it ten minutes rest three times today.  And when your eyes are open afterwards, you will not value anything you see as much as when you looked before.  Your whole perspective on the world will shift by just a little every time you let your mind escape its chains.”

NTI Hebrews 1 v 13, 14, also encourages us: “Every step has been a stepping stone within awareness only.  There is no change.  You are eternally, lovingly and perfectly whole as you are now.”